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sedra Ali
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Group: Members Joined: 24th Dec, 2007 Topic: 8 Post: 89 Age:
27
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| Posted on:9th Jan 2008, 5:00pm |
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 Kia Larki Ko Ye Haq Nahi Ka Wo Apni Marzi Ki Shadi Kary?
Hi 2 all members,may ap say kuch question puchna chasti houn .ist kia larki k ghar waly rista magnay larky k ghar jasakty hai?,kia islam may is ki izazat hai? 2nd ye ki koi b larki apni merzi say shadi kiyon nahi kasakti,ager koi larka shadi karny ki khawish karta hai tu sab say phely wo larki ko pasand karta hai ,larki ko dekhny un k ghar waly larlki k ghar jaty hai or larka b jata hai,ager pasand aye tu shadi ki na aye tu nahi,jab ki larki aisa nahi karsakti,akher kiyon?hum sub ko b pata hai ki islam may izazat hai ki larka or larki dounoun ek dousry ko pasand karyin,laikin aisa nahi hota , akher larki apni zindhagi ka faisala khod kiyon nahi karsakti ,kia islam may ye izaaat nahi ki larki apny hony waly husband ko dekhy,un k bary may jany taki bad may problems na houn,may ap say jin ki shadi huwi hai puchna chasti houn ki ap plz such such batain ki ap ki shadi jis larki say huwi hai kia ap nay us ko phely dekha tha?mujy 100% sure hai ki ap nay zaroor dekha hoga or shadi ki hogi laikin larki aisa nahi karsakti,or boht sari larkiyon ki shadi un ki merzi k khalaf hoti hai.akher aisa kiyon hota hai?????????
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Bili_miau
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Group: Members Joined: 20th Oct, 2007 Topic: 17 Post: 871 Age:
27
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| Posted on:9th Jan 2008, 10:03pm |
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 welll
sedraa jeee aap bht upset lagti hain mujhe to..per me eik baat bata dun islam ko agar side per rakh kar sochen to eik baat jo zehen me aaegi woh yeh he keh yeh jo difference he thora bht larke aur larki keh bheech yeh haamre culture me he...islam ne zarur ijazat di he eik had tak lekin zaida tar wohi hotaya aya jo hamare logon ka tradition he....
yeh ghalt nai he keh larki wale rishta mangane jaen..balke india me to mostly larki wale hi jate hain cahe wahan muslim ho ya hindu..yeh sab culture ki batein hain..jabakeh agar pak me aisa hoga to log hansen ge aur ghalt matlab nikal lenge!!
yeh bhi sahi kaha keh larke ki pasand ka zaida khail rakha jata he..lekin agar larki keh gharwale broadminded honge to woh zarur use puchenge rishta dhondne se pehle aur phir mumkin hoto kisi barde keh through rishta bhi bejha jasakta he! |
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Bili_miau
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Group: Members Joined: 20th Oct, 2007 Topic: 17 Post: 871 Age:
27
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| Posted on:9th Jan 2008, 10:05pm |
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but hamesha aisa nai hota...lazmi nai eik tradition sab families me follow ho! me apko apni example deti hun ..... mene bhi love engagment ki thi..yani meri engagment meri aur mere fiance keh pasand se hui thi...aur isme baki gharwalon ki razamandi bhi shamil thi!! agar aise hojae to isme koi haraj nai he
lekin me kabhi nai kahungi keh aap apni marzi se kisi ko involve kie bina ya unke against jake shadi ka sochen....isme brbadi hi barbadi he sirf larki ki nai..balke larki aur larke ki! |
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goodman
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Group: Members Joined: 11th Oct, 2007 Topic: 62 Post: 7602 Age:
33
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| Posted on:10th Jan 2008, 3:55pm |
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Islam give the right to women for proposal Islam give the total right of girl to accpt or refuse the propsal of Boy or Boy family.
The same situation for Man also.Without girl prmission you can not do marriage with a boy.It is your right to use .Because you spend your life with a man.
Prophet SAW Direct send a boy to a house for proposal for girl.So islam give the equal right both man and women.
Waiting for comments.
Thanks |
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pinky7861
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Group: Members Joined: 06th Oct, 2007 Topic: 44 Post: 1348 Age:
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| Posted on:10th Jan 2008, 4:38pm |
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 Sis sedra
Main sab say pahlay aap kay akheri swal ka jwab daiti hoon. Main nay apni shadi say pahlay apnay husband ko nahi daikha tha. Yahan tak kay baat bhi nahi ki thi kayounkay wo pak main nahi thay aur shadi say sirf 2 din pahlay aay thay. Unhoun nay mairay father say poocha tha kay wo muj say ph per baat kerna chahtay hain lakin mairay father nay mana ker dia tha. Lahaza unhoun nay bhi phir kabhi try nahi kia baat kernay ka. So na tu hamari baat hoi aur na hi donoun nay aik doosray ko daikha, lakin iss kay bawajood mujay yah mairay husband ko koi masla nahi houa.
Baat yah hay kay pasand kernay main koi burai nahi hay lakin billi ki baat theek hay kay yah sab CULTURE per depend kerta hay. Waisay maira zati hayal hay kay parents ka tajerba itna ziada hota hay kay wo akser theek hi faisla kertay hain bachoun kay liay. aur ager kabhi galat ho bhi jay tu yah jaan bhooj ker parenst nahi kertay. Wo achhi tara apni aulaad ka mizaj jantay hain iss liay daikh ker hi faisla kertay hain kay wo kis tara say hoosh rahain gay.
Yah jo mohabat ka ziker aap ker rahi hain na, yah aap ki age main mujay bhi bera attractive lagta tha. Lakin ab main aap ko bata sakti hoon kay wo emotions sirf kuch arsa kay liay hi hotay hain. Prctical life say un ka koi taluq nahi hota. Practical life main aap ko acha bura her tara kay halat ka samna kerna perta hay. Wohi insaan jo aap say waday kerta ho ga kay wo aap kay liay chand taray toar lay ga, jab ussay subah office janay say pahlay theek time per nashta nahi milay ga na tu uss ko apni wohi mahboob bivi zeher lagay gi aur phir doodh ka doodh aur paani ka pani ho jay ga.
Facts aur fantasy main bohat ferk hay lakin hamaray yahan indian movies aur fazool kisam kay diegst ki waja say lerkian issi fantasy ko reality samajti hain aur phir baat baat per roti hain jab wo sab poora nahi hota.
App plz yah na samjay kay main aap ko yah sab kah rahi hoon. Main apni society ki reality bata rahi hoon bas. Ab yah aap ka apna kaam hay kay aap kis ko bahter samajti hain. |
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sedra Ali
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Group: Members Joined: 24th Dec, 2007 Topic: 8 Post: 89 Age:
27
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| Posted on:10th Jan 2008, 5:04pm |
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 pinky
ap ko tu allah ka sukar ada karny cheye ki ap nay dekhy bager shadi ki or wo shadi kamyab huwi,laikin 100 may say sirf 30 or 35% ki shadi kamyab hoti hai ,or baqi problems hi problems,jaha tak meri age ka sawal hai tu na tu meri koi feeling rakhti houn or na hi aisi larki houn,meri shadi jis say hony waly hai wo tu mera koi cousin hai or may achi tarha janti houn,ye rishta tu bachpan may hi te huwi thi.ye meri kuch khesmati ki wo b acha hai or student hai,or hum pasad b karty hai,may ye such rahi thi aisy or kaity larkiyan hongy jin ki bachpan may hi shadi tay huwi ho or bad may problems,ap tu agree b karty ho ki islam may izaazat b hia tu phir hum cultural ko follow kiyon karty hai,???? |
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nikama
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Group: Members Joined: 15th Oct, 2007 Topic: 47 Post: 1808 Age:
35
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| Posted on:10th Jan 2008, 5:08pm |
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 Jee sedra ali..
This is not the exacty picture you have drwan into ur mind..
Agreed with Pinky jee ,she is right..
Islam has given the rights of acceptance / rejections for both Girls & Boys..
Only the communiaction method is different all over the world.
I agree that boys / girls should atleast see each others but in most of the families dont allow this..U better stick with the decision of ur parents..
wu kabhee bhee app ka bura nahee chah saktay..And one more thing to say ya muhabbat ( love before marraige) is misguiding young girls & boys..
So aap itna pershaan na hoon,try kerain if u wana see urs future husband if not allwed then bura na manay ,sub theek hee hota hai akser ...
About me,I am married with my first cousin so,we always new each other about 9-10 years behind..we use to talk,walk & shughal etc but in the limits..
I think the only think which is confusing u,that u might not have the chance to speak or see ur partner,so this is not any big excuse.
Dont worry too much ,leave every thing upto GOD..U will be okay miss...
Thanks you
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sedra Ali
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Group: Members Joined: 24th Dec, 2007 Topic: 8 Post: 89 Age:
27
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| Posted on:10th Jan 2008, 5:17pm |
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re nikama ye tu hum sab ko pata hai ki mam bap acha hi sty hai,,laikin is ka malab ye b nahi ki wo apni meri beti say us ki merzi b na puchy,,ager larky say puch sakty hai tu larki say kiyon nahi puch sakty??or ist question ye tha ki kia larki k ghar waky apni beti or behn ka rishta layky lakry waloun k ghar jassakty hai? |
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nikama
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Group: Members Joined: 15th Oct, 2007 Topic: 47 Post: 1808 Age:
35
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| Posted on:10th Jan 2008, 5:29pm |
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Jee sedra ali.. Haan na kiyoon nahee puch saktay..Parents should ask daughters before marraige...
Aur larki walay rishta lay ker larkay waloon kay ghar bhee ja saktay hain...
iss main koi masla nahee hai...
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Bili_miau
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Group: Members Joined: 20th Oct, 2007 Topic: 17 Post: 871 Age:
27
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| Posted on:10th Jan 2008, 6:09pm |
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 hmm
pata nai aaj kal konse maa baap hote hain jo nai puchte marzi larki ki...aise nai karna cahie |
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seriously
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Group: Members Joined: 12th Dec, 2007 Topic: 24 Post: 313 Age:
57
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| Posted on:10th Jan 2008, 6:11pm |
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Dear Sedra sister Apki observations bohat sahi hain. Islam main larki ko haq hay apny pasand na pasand batanay ka. Eman waloon ko hukam dee ya gay ya hay kah larkee say pochain.
Yeh hamaray culture ka hissa hay kay larki shadi kay ley-a larkay ko propose nahi kar saktee agar woh kisi sahalee kay zaria bhee apni pasand ka izhar karay aur apnay maan baap ko bata-a to humari ghairat jaag jati hay aur larki ko bay sharam bay hyia kaha jata hay. abhi hamri society ko apnay cultural norms say bahar aa kar sahi islami moashra bun nay kay ley-a bohat waqt lagay ga. I am not suggesting that the girls and boys should start courtship or pre marital relationship. laikin larki ko apney pasand batanay kay haq to hona chahyee eh haq islam nay dee ya hay.
Agar aap ko dar hay kay agar aap nay apni pasand ka izhar kia to aap kay ghar walay naraz ho ga-a gay tow apni kisi sahalee aur us kay ghar waloon ko beech main dal kar larkay waloon ko apnay ghar rishta bheej nay kay ley-a kahain.
Agar eh tarkeeb kamyab ho jai to mujhee 2 kilo ladoo bheejna na bhoolna. main nay ladoo khanay kay ley-a abhi say daant tez karna sharoo kar dee-a hain. |
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seriously
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Group: Members Joined: 12th Dec, 2007 Topic: 24 Post: 313 Age:
57
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| Posted on:10th Jan 2008, 6:14pm |
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In my case I liked the girl and then asked my family members to go to her home. Later on I found out that she liked me too but never told anybody. I used to go to her home since her family and my family are friends. Allah aap key bhi madad karay. Ameen. |
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Bili_miau
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Group: Members Joined: 20th Oct, 2007 Topic: 17 Post: 871 Age:
27
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| Posted on:10th Jan 2008, 6:16pm |
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 hmm
ab waqt aa nai gaya keh aap use shaadi karlen? LOL |
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sedra Ali
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Group: Members Joined: 24th Dec, 2007 Topic: 8 Post: 89 Age:
27
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| Posted on:10th Jan 2008, 6:22pm |
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 re seriously
ap nay shayed ye nahi para ki may nay ye b laikha hai ki meri shadi hony wali hai,aisi koi problem nahi,dont wory(hehehe),,app ko ab shadi kerni chasye ,or ye puchna chasti houn ki ager faraz karlo ap ki jo hony wali biwi hai ager unhy ap pasand na aye or un k ghar waly jabardasti shadi kary tu islam kia kehta hai????? |
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seriously
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Group: Members Joined: 12th Dec, 2007 Topic: 24 Post: 313 Age:
57
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| Posted on:10th Jan 2008, 7:08pm |
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Sedar It is a difficult and our of course question. LOL Zabardasti key shadi kay baray main Islam ka nazaria kia hay I never did research on that subject. If the girl will say no to nikah then there will be no nikah according to ulema a islam if she says yes even if a pistol is pointed to her head to say yes then this nikah is valid.
Personaly I think it is not nikah it is rape. Wallah Alim. But I will do more research on that subject.
P.S: I am happily married for last 16 years and I have two boys and a girl.
Again very thought provoking question. The problem is if I consult an Alim a deen they always have a pre-concieved notion of a situation and have 1400 year old mentality very few have open mind and are willing to think out of the box. The people who think out of the box are not even considered alim a deen. |
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goodman
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Group: Members Joined: 11th Oct, 2007 Topic: 62 Post: 7602 Age:
33
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| Posted on:10th Jan 2008, 9:05pm |
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This is girl right Dear Sedra,
Islam give the complete right to girl for her marriage and her parents can not do marriage with out her prmission.Before marriage girl parents must ask with her girl that you are agree to this proposel or not.If anyone not agree then she can not say i am not agreeeeeeeee.Because this is her right.
Waiting for your comments. |
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raazdaar
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Group: Members Joined: 18th Nov, 2007 Topic: 38 Post: 369 Age:
25
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| Posted on:11th Jan 2008, 1:59pm |
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JITNA MAIRA KYAAL HAI....... SALLAM TO ALL FRIENDS
Islam nai yai ijazat zaroor di hai kai shadi dono ki razamandi sai ki jayee.Lakin shahid yai nahin kaha kai larki, larakai walon kai ghar rista baijai.Jaisa kai hamari haan kai osool is kai khilaaf hotain hain.Mujai nahin lagta kai ISLAM main yai baat bi ghalat hogi, kai larki larkai kai ghar waloo sai rista mangai.
Aur rahi daiknai ki baat to shahid shadi sai pehlai aik nazar daikna chahiyai.Wo bi is liyai kai aik dosrai ko teeq sai pehchan sakain jab shadi hoo.Aur islam milnai aur baat cheet karnai ki ijazat nahin daita.Q kai yai larka us larki kai liyai NIKAH sai pehlai na-mohram hotain hain.Is liyai yai aik dosrai kai saat na to mil saktain hain na baat kar saktai hain.
Jo loog yai kehtain hain kai nahin in ka aik dosrai ko daikna zaroori hai.Haan aik shart ho sakti hai kai shahid larka ya larki aik dosrai ko tasveer kai zaryai daikain.Kuch qomoon main to is sai bi batar halat hai.Jo INDIANS muslims hain jin ki zuban malyalam hai.Un ka osool ham sab sai alag hai.Jis larki kai saat kisi larkai ki magni hoti hai to pehlai wo aik raat us larkai kai saat ghuzarti hai.
Aur pata nahin kya kya hota hai.So ISLAM nai hamain har aik kaam ko karnai ka tariqa bataya hai.ALLAH hamain bagair kisi hisaab kitaab kai jannat naseeb farmayee.Amaal ko na daikai.Amaal kai hisaab sai to ham sab sai neechai darjai main hain.ALLAH hamarai chotai barain ghunnah maaf farmayee.AMEEEEEEEN
NOTE:-sorry if my words hurt anyone.
TAKE CARE
ALLAH HAFIZ |
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seriously
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Group: Members Joined: 12th Dec, 2007 Topic: 24 Post: 313 Age:
57
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| Posted on:11th Jan 2008, 2:23pm |
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More research on the subject. The following Hadees proves that Muslim women offered themselves as a wife to our holy prophet(sal lal lah ho alai hay wasalam).
"A woman came to the Messenger of God and offered herself to him (in marriage). When she had stood for a long time (without receiving an answer) a man got up and said: Messenger of God! Marry her to me if you have no need of her. He asked the man if he had anything to give her as dower (marriage gift), and when he replied that he had nothing but the lower garment he was wearing, the Prophet said: Look for something, even though it be an iron ring. Then when the man had searched and found nothing, God's Messenger asked him whether he new anything of the Qur'an. When the man replied that he knew Surah so and so and Surah so and so, God's Messenger said: Go away, I give her to you in marriage. Teach her some of the Qur'an." (Bukhari and Muslim on the authority of Sahl bin Sa'd)
Quran prohibits to do any kind of zabardasti with women:
In the Holy Qur'an we read:
"Do not inherit women against their will" (4:19) aurtoon ko unki marzi kay khilaf apni milkiat main na lo(4:19)
Is ayet ka background yeh hay kay jub kisi ka rishtay dar wafat pa jata tha to uski biwi dosroon key milkiat main aa jati they aur us ristay dar key biwi ban jati thi iss say mana farmaya gia hay. eh to majboor aurton kah haq hua to jo aurteen majboor nahi in ka haq to aur ziada hay.
And following two hadees prove that zabardasti key shadi key surat main aurat khula lay sakti hay:
"Khansa bint Khidhan who had a previous marriage, related that when her father married her and she disapproved of that, she went to the Messenger of God and he revoked her marriage." (Bukhari, Ibn Majah)
"A [girl who was not married] came to the Messenger of God and mentioned that her father had married her against her will, so the Prophet allowed her to exercise her choice." (Abu Da'ud, on the authority of Ibn 'Abbas)
Wallah Alim Bis Sawab.
Note: If you get any kind of benefit from this post of mine please pray for me and my family. Jazaak Allah. |
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seriously
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Group: Members Joined: 12th Dec, 2007 Topic: 24 Post: 313 Age:
57
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| Posted on:11th Jan 2008, 2:32pm |
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Note to forum users. Islami sawalat aur mamlat main apny khial kay izhar farmatay waqt quran key surat aur ayat number aur hadees aur hadees key kitab ka naam bhi bataen please. Sirf suni sunai batoon per bharoosa kartay huay apni rai ka izhar na kareen , Please. eh aik islami ettiquitte hay baqi aap key marzi hay zabardasti nahi. "wama alaina il lal bilagh'. hamara kaam paigham pohcha dena hay.
Isalm kay naam per hamary mulkoon main jo kuch ho raha hay woh hamra culture hay religion nahi. Yahan tak kah apney jaidad bachanay kay ley-a log larkion key shadi Quran say kar detay hain ( astaghfurullah).
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Bili_miau
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Group: Members Joined: 20th Oct, 2007 Topic: 17 Post: 871 Age:
27
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| Posted on:11th Jan 2008, 3:33pm |
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hmm i belive that whtever is written in quran and hadees books is totally 100% right..as this is wht islam tells us to do..however these things r not practical in todays life..they can be made practical but not many parents choose this way when making their girls or guys life deicison...
most parents belive that they have made a good life experience and now they can decide for their childrens life so there is no need to ask them..which is totally wrong and which might be the reason why the divorce rate is highly increasing not only in europe but also in pak and asian countries...ppl dont hesistate to go to courts anymore....
my advise would be parents should give a thought to the islamic way once...which is nicely written by other members of this forum in this thread |
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