Wife Has Had Affair Before Marriage. What should I Do?

Dear All,

I have recently joined this forum. I have already made a post in reply  in another section.

I have the following problem.

I got married about 5 years back & now I have alhamdolillah 3 childern. I had understanding with my wife before marriage & even sexual discussion.

I did not succeed in doing intercourse at first night. However I noticed in the next morning that my wife is too much happy & I was astonished on her behavious.

On the 3rd night when I did intercourse with her, there was not even a single drop of blood & she did not pose any pain or problem, however she told me that she felt that some thing had been cut in her vagina.

I was shocked & asked her why there is no blood, she sweared that I do not know. However I keep asking her strictily, then she told me with the promise that I will never talk on this matter with her in future . She had affair with her cousin. However she told me that he never penetrated into her vagina rather he only rubbed on her vagina & she told me that it happened when she was alone in her house. My heart was broken however I did not show me feelings since I loves her too much.

Now the problem is that when I  see her cousin, I fee ashamed of myself & inferiority complex that he already had................. with my wife.

Although I am living a happy life, however sometimes I feel that why it happened to me since I never had any relationship with any girl before marriage.

Is it my Muqaddar, that I have to spent life in misery. Please suggest. 

saain jee

dekhiye bhai

ab tak ap ki shadi ko 5 saal ho gaye hain

itni achi life guzer rhi thi a ki

aur muft ki tension le li ap ne

dekheyn pehle to ap ko un se bar bar puchna nahi chahiye tha

na puchtey na ye sub pata chalta

bcoz puch k bi ab ap ko kia mila hai...sirf tension...aur kia ker sktey ho ap

ab ap kia kero gay??????? talak do gay????? chor do gay usye????/ kia miley ga ye sub ker k??????? kuch bhi nahi............ mazeed tension miley gi.....us k ilawa bht si zindagiyan barbad ho jayen gi...........ap ki....apki wife ki.....ap k bachon ki...baco 3 bachay hain ap k...aur ab MashaALLAH samajhdar ho rahey hain...

dear behter solution yahi hai k ap ye sub bhool jayen....dekho bhai ajkal to aisa ganda mahol hai k larkay larkiyan bht kuch ker jatay hain...ALLAH Maaf kerye aisi socities se....lekin jo ap ki biwi ne apne cosin k stah kiya...chahay jan buj ker kiya ya bhooley se.....jo bhi hua wo ab is per sharminda hon gi....aur dekheyn bhai....she loves u ery much...i hope so...agar wo ap se pyar na kertin to ap se ye na kehtin k ainda is topic per bat na kijiye ga....

wo nahi chahti k un ka past bar bar dohraya jaye...i hope unhen bhi wo sub yad ker k takleef hoti ho gi bcoz unhon ne wo sub jan k nahi kiya ho ga....

dekheyn bahi let suppose agar ap un ki jaga hotey....agar ap ne kisi larki se shadi se pehle illegal sex kiya hota ya forplay kiya hota....aur ab ap ki wife ko pata chalta k u had an affair with such such girl.....to un per bhi to yahi feelings hotin na jo is waqt ap ki hain.....lekin is case mein bhi ap yahi chahtay k sub kuch bhool jaya jayeeeee aur bhool ker ek achi si new life start ki jaye....jis ka asar dono partners per bhi na ho....bachon per bi na ho...aur family environment per bhi na ho....

to i think best os the bst solution is that k ap sub kuch bhol jayen....pehle ki tarhan apni life enjoy keryen apni wife aur bachon k stah...yub samhjhgayn k kuch hua hi nahi hai.....okies...........is cheez ko agar zehen per sawar keryen gay to ap ki life bilkul destroy ho jaye gi aur sath mein apki family ki bhi....

aur han...ap us k cousin se na mila keryen...usey 100% avoid keryen...agar kahin mil bhi jaye to just as a brotehr treat keryen....dont worry yar...ye sub tum per hai....mard bano yar mard.........khud mein confidence lao....tum is bat ko derguzer kero...ALLAH tumhen is ka ajar dey ga.....ALLAH ko tumhari ye bat bht pasand aye gi....maano meri bat....

re: What should I Do? Wife Has Had Afffair Before Marriage

Well you should forget what has happend in the past. Now she is your wife and you have three children. You have to sacrifice your feelings not only for you but also for your children. It is quit possible that she has had no penetration and just forplay had been done. Since it was done before your Nikkah therefore your wife could be forgiven by you. Dont think negatively that why it happend with you. Its your test for tolerance and sympathy by the God. Accept her with your depth of heart. Allah may bless you here and in heavens. Inshahallah

rE: What should I Do? Wife Has Had Afffair Before Marriage

hi

bahi jan

bhae ji

Forget all and forgive her !!!

brother you forget all this and gorgive your wife.

Agar app sab nahi bhulao gay to tension main raho gay. koi ghalat qadam uthao gay to kafi sari lives disturb hon gi.

One solution is that you forgive ur wife and you will see that she will obey u much. Us ko app par aitbar tha to us nay bataia na app ko. normally girls dont share all this with there husbands.Us k dil main khof hai k pta nahi app kaisay behave karo us say. us nay app ko bta kar mistake ki hai. agar app usay maaf karo gay to wo or ziada app ki wafadar ban jay gi.

Also agar tum us ki galti par parda dalo gay to Allah app ki galtion par b parda dalay ga.

One thing u should do restrict your wife to meet with her cousin again and u also avoid him. Dont allow him to come to ur home.Due to your this behave ur wife will feel guilty but dont make her realise. With your this behave she will obey you more. Also with this restriction, u will feel some comfort also.

Baki rahi baat k app achay thay app k sath aisa kun hua to bhai main just aik baat kahon ga k jo Allah k ziada qareeb hota hai Allah us ko ziada azmata hai. yeh azmaish hai app par.

Allah app ko is main kamyab karay and app ko asanian day. Ameen

rE:

saaein jee

kahan gaye ap

reply to kijiye

It must be disturbing

yes it would be disturbing for u but i think u should ignore it now. and tell ur wife clearly u wont tolerate anything like that in future. when she did it she wasnt ur wife. she was no one to u at that time.

Dont feel ashamed of in front of her cousin. rather u should tell ur wife that ur cousin should never come in ur home and stop her seeing him as well. it would be better if u make her islamic purdah.islamically a woman is not supposed to interact freely with her cousins. It would give u a re-assurance of being her owner.It would be better for u to forgive her.

Thanks Zeb

Thanks to all fellows for suggestions. Basically I was out of town on official assignment.

As I have mentioned in my previous post that I am living happy life. However reason for sharing is that I have recently came to know of this forum & by sharing some body feels some peace of mind.

I loves my wife, however being a human being some times I feel depression especially when I see her cousin. I have advised my wife that we will not visit their home & also avoid his presence.

God Bless you all.

saaiyen jee

very good

thats like a good gentleman

:-)

reply

bari jaldi nahi yaad aagaya aapko.............

aik ye bat mujhe samajh nahi aati y is there a concept that a girl shud bleed on her first night its absolutely rubbish. some girls are born without a hymen or it can be broken at early age during excercise or dance.

secondly jab ap kisi se rishta jortey hain tu ye sochna chahiye ke aapne uske sath apna haal aur mustakbil guzarna hay uske mazi ka apse koi na talluk hay na hakk. haan agar wo baad main apse bewafayi karey tu aap ka hakk hay ke sakhti se paish ayen. aur bilfarz apki wife ne confess kar bhi liya tha apki so called strictness ki waja se tu us bat ko usi waqt bhula dena chahiye tha jese ke apne suni bhi nahi

ab jab apke 3 bachey hain tab aapko khayal aaraha hay. ye buhut hi ghatia soch hay ke unke coz ko dekh ke aap kesa soch rahay hain

jab koi apni ghalti pe sharminda hoke maafi maang ley tu usey tu khuda bhi maaf kar deta hay tu phir pata nahi insan aisa hosla kyun nahi kar sakta

main bas itna kahungi ke us baat ko bhool jayen aur khush rahain apki biwi aapki aur kader karegi

SaaienJee

Yaar app us ki old life ka mutalaq kuch na pocho jo shadi se pahla tha us par miti daloo ab wo apki wife ha iger ab kuch galat karti ha too phir  problem ha,

shadi se pahla too app ne b yaqeenan kuch galat kia ho ga !

Koyal

Mein ney yeh kab kaha hey keh mujhey aab yaad aya hey.

You did not understand what I said, I have just shared since I came to know about the Noor Clinic Forum & by sharing you are relieved from cooking in your mind.

I love my wife too much. I have forbidden him. Even I do't discuss with her on such topic.

However being human being, you have feelings, emotions & some time I feel deperation.

Jahan tak yeh baat hey that you associate your currnet & furtue with your life partener & you have nothing to do with her past. This is totally incorrect. Then every girl has right to do whatever she wants before marriage & then told her husband that you have nothing to do with my past.

I am not complaining & I am satisfied with my life, however the lesson is that Girls should be careful about this particular thing, although I love too much, however sometimes it feel bad about my wife that she had relations before marriage.

Saaenjee

i also agree to zeb & pkman

forget everything.and fergive your wife..

consentrate only on your family wife & children.as you say you are happy.with your family.&wife.