Marriage With 4 Years Eleder Girl?

hi all

i wana share my problem, so plz give me ur valuable comments on that. Im in love with a girl whose 4 years elder to me...im 26 and shes 30. I am in UK while she is in Pak....we met each other when i was in Pak. keeping this age difference aside, we both love each other very much, and cant even think of spending our life with any other person. also, i can describe her as a perfect wife for me, as i know her for last 2 years and we've been talking day and night so we know and understand each other extremly well. Unlike every other love affair.....humein ek dosre ki khoobiyon ke sath ek dosre ki khamiyan bhi pata hain...but we are ready to accept each other even then. She is just perfct for me, and we both are sure that if we are together.....our life is gonna be living heaven, and i can assure that cz we have that much understanding and love for each other which even some of the married couples do not have.

problem is...offcourse...my parents are not happy with this. they insist that no matter how much good the girl is.....she should be younegr than u....but my point is marrying a girl elder than u is not a sin?....even our Holy Prophet (SAW) married 15 year elder woman Hazrat Khadija (RA), and they had excellent life. So if something is done by that great man, how can that be wrong for anyone?

Plus....my parents say that she will look odd with me...as i'll look younger....so "log kia kahengey"....i say...logo ne sari umar sath to nahi rehna hota na...and plus even if i marry a younegr girl....log to tab bhi kuch na kuch kahengey.....bad mein to mere sath woh hee reh jaye gee na......log to nahi rahengey.....some say i'll loose physical atraction towards her in later years....i say that can be the case with younger wife as well....younger wife bhi ek bachey ke bad apni physical beauty lost kerdeti hay....and even a younger girl looks elder than husband after childbirth....so wts the difference....plus if the marriges are only tied with the factor of physical beauty...many marriges would have been broken by now..!!

my parents say....elder girls cant give birth to child.....i say bachey Allah ki den hain.....if its in my fate to become a father....i'll haev chidlren with her as well....and if not...even if i marry 10 years younegr girl....they wont happen.....i have seen so many couples in which wifes are younger but they are still without children.....and ive seen in my family.....a woman had a child when she was 36.....

she belongs to a punjabi family while im a urdu speaking.....but her family is staying in karachi since last 50 years...all her bro/sis including herself was born and bread in karachi...and she speaks much better urdu than me and they all speak urdu in their home as well.....shes more than a karachiite and dont wana marry in punjab.....but i say that shes a pakistani muslim girl....in thsi modern age that thing doesnt matter at all.....ppl marry ppl from entirely different origins and have successful life......so wats the problem with me.....

lastly i would say.....that i havent made the decision of marrying her in one day...i have deeeply thought upon this mater and finaly came to a conclusion that i cannot have perfect wife than her who loves and care for me more than anyone. shes like a girl...if i wud say in night....that ist not night its a day.....she'll agree and day yes ur rite, its a day.....meri her baat ke agey sar jhuka deti hay....meri ek ek baat ko yad rakhti hay jisey mein bhi kabhi bhool jata hon, aur uspe strictly amal kerti hay.....i stopped her from driving car for her safety......she never touched that car after that....religious itni ke shawwal ke 6 rozey bhi rakhti hay plus she never misses even fajar prayer. dil ki itni achi ke agar mein bhi kisi ki burayee usey kerta hon to she says ke kisi ki burai nahi kerni chahiye.....its gheebat....she cares for me that much that she even send international msg to me just to ask abt my health and have i taken proper meal or not ( as i live alone and cook myself)....in these 2 years she has supported me in every difficulty and in everything.....woh apna dukh chupa ker mujhe khush rakhti hay......mein naraz hota hojaon to dar jati hay or mujeh bacho ki tarha manati hay.....agar dukhi hoti hay to apne anso control kerke yeh show kerti hay ke shes fine....and tries to smile for me.....mein jiswaqt jis time call kerta hon.....woh bat kerti hay....even if she sleeping....sharmeeli itni ke baz dafa mein "i love you" bhi kehta hon to buhut halke se jawab deti hay ke "i love u too".....aurphir kehti hay mujeh yeh kehte huey buhtu sharam ati hay.....ek bar buhtu himmat kerke she said to me....."ke mere liey mera sab kuch aap hee hain"....once i asked her.....ke agar mein ussey pyar nahi kerta to? she replied...."meine apse mohabbat kisi return keliye nahi kee hay....mein apse kabhi kuch nahi mango gee......bus her haal mein apki khushi chahti hon....chahe aap badle mein mujhe kuch na den"

now guyz plz tell me....agar aesi larki ko mail sirf isliye chor don ke shes 4 years elder than me, and she'll look older to me.....and i should lok out for some young and beautiful girl... to u guyz think.....yeh uski sachi aur bey loss mohabbat ke sath na-insafi nahi hogee?

mein kisi qeemat per usey khona nahi chahta....shes a true gem of a person....i consider myself very fortunate that she loves me....mere prents sirf usko us nigah se dekhte hain ke ek aesi larki whose elder than me.....and she has trapped me....as my parernts think that im too "bhola"....and the girls are very "chalak"  these days....and as i'll hopefully get very high paying job here in UK....so my parents think that most of the girls will try to trap me....my parents think that she has trapped me......lekin usko mere pese se koi gharz nahi hay....even if i bought some gifts for her from here.....she said mere liye apni mehnat ki kamayee zaya mat karen....pese save karen....meine usey kabhi nahi bataya how much i earn and she never asked as she never ever demanded even a cheapest thing from me as a gift....balke she send me eid card and birthday card from pakistan.....on every occassion she misses me.....eid, baqr eid, chand rat....she just say "agar aap yahan hote to kitna acha hota"..!

i wana tel u that how much easy it is for a person living in UK to have sex with any girl.....i myself got many chances where the girls asked me to take them with me.....lekin Allah ka shukar hay....mein ab tak bacha hua hon.....even during my whole stay here i hav never even touched any girl bcz i wana remain pure for my wife.....now u guyz think that if i marry any girl here and just inform my parents that shes my wife.....accept her or not...what my parents can do from pakistan.....simply nothing....agar mein buri adaton mein parna chahon to koi kuch nahi kersakta...!! but even when i wana marry a muslim pakistani girl....and want to do proper nikah and proper shadi...in a pure islamic way....why ppl have problem....mein koi bacha nahi hon.....i haev completed masters degree and im an experienced software engineer....and mature enough to decide wats good and wats bad for me..!!

i have decided to once again talk to my parents abt her.....but i'll not argue them....na hee koi badtameezi keronga.....i'll tell them everythign and will try my best to convince them....but if they dont agree....i'll obey them.....lekin phir i'll never get marry ever in my life.....

sorry for the long story guyz.....lekin bus samjh lein....jo batein dil mein theen sab likh deen.....

i'll wait for ur comments....plz pray for me as well..if u can tell me that how should i convince my parents and how should i talk to them for positive results...plz help me...

prsuade your parents first

Dear Mr Ahmed,

I am feeling you are in any software company in U.K.And my suggestion is that first you prsuade your parents with good manners as you can do.And after that they do not accpt your request you must do marriage with this girl because this is 100% perfect for you according to your status.But you have to live sprate home without your parents.Altough you are settled in U.K.

And i am very happy with you that you did not touch any women untillnow and altough you are in UK.

So i am feeling the oppossite sex also do so much love with you so you have to do marriage with this girl and this best for you.

Waiting for your comments.

ferry

apni age sai big age wali larki sai shadi karna ghalat nahi hai. Na hi Islamic point of view sai aur na hi medical point of view sai.

First u must try to change ur parents decision very nicely. Aisa na ho ka ap apnai  parents ko naraz kardain. Unko ap zara Islamic point of view sai samjhain inshallah woh samajh jaingai. Waisa apki situation bohot difficult hai uski wajha yah hai ka aisi batain parents ko samjhana bohot hi mushkil bhi hojata hai. Ab ham yah bhi mashwara nahi daingai apko ka agar apka parents nahi manai to ap zaberdasti shadi karlain.. Any way budy take care and best of luck. May ALLAH guide u.

my opinion

agreed to replies of members

ap apne parents ko manayen..un ko samjhayen..agar wo maan jatey hain wo foren shadi ker leyn aur agar nai mantay, to us larki ko bhool jana hi ap k liye behter hai

so i got a similar story to tell :)

thnxs for ur comments fellows

hi mates.....i wana personally thank all of u who have read my "long" story, and gimme valuable suggestions....

yes i know its not an easy task bcz when parenst think their son has been trapped....as they think that elder girl is much more matured so she might have found "kabootar"...and so trapped me.....i have to change this thought first...!!

but i will not give up untill my parents do not agree at all.....mein already is matter per buhut sun chuka hon lekin meri himmat nahi tootee....i am mentally prepared for every comment ppl will make, and at this moment i have to be the mentally "strongest" person and not to give up at any cost....

im not praising myself....but i have been a very obidient son....my parents love me very much as well as im their only son, so they might be more sensitive abt me.....but my parents and my love are two pillars of my life.....i cant live if anyone of them is not there in my life......but i cannot live without her as well...aur usey bhoolne ka to sawal he peda nahi hota.....its like stop breathing.....lekin uske pyar ke ehtram mein kabhi shadi nahi keronga....adhi zindagi guzar hee gaye hay baqe bhi Allah Allah kerte kerte guzar he jaye gee...

i must congratulate sahirsani that he finally made it with 7 year difference....so i wud like to have some advise from him as well, that what did u do to convince ur parents and what kind of opposition u faced in ur case?

anywayz...keeep commenting please as it is already giving me much strength....

cheerz everyone.....!!

ferry

To reach destination you have to leave one piller

Mr Ahmed in your post i am not seeing the age difference.The age difference is nothing.The main problem the status.Your parents are not accpting this girl mentally.And if you want to do marriage with this girl you have to leave this one piller of parents at first.Then you do marriage with this girl.I feel that after some period your parents will accpt this girl also.

So you are well settled man and you have to prsuade your parents and if they do not accpt this thing you do marriage with this girl if girl parents are accpt you mentally and physically.

Waiting for your comments

Ferry Ahmed- Answer a few questions first.

You know the girl for two years but how ? I mean did you get a chance to observe her behaviors in person  ? How many times ? For how many days ?Did you meet her alone or in the presence of others ? How many times ? For how many days ? Or all your observations of her character and behavior are based on exchange of emails, ,letters and phone conversations ?

If you can provide answers to these question then I can be of some assistance.

ur reply

i have met the girl couple of times but not in the presence of anyone.....we have been talking much in these 2 years and one thing i must tell u that i can judge nature of the person in just one or two meetings......im not praising myself but i am that kind of person.....before her i used to have "friendships" with many girls but i never felt smething like this for anyone......although i was a big flirty that some of them were after me as well, but this girl is different from every one i have met......every one i have seen....and every one i have observed...!!

im not saying that she doesnt have any "khamee", but every body is not perfect....but the good things in her are so much that outnumber her bad things....and one thing i am 200% sure that she loves me more than i do........and that i have seen....observed...and even tested so many times.....shes just the kind of girl everyone wants...!!

yar mein aesa admi nahi hon jo itna bara decision sirf emotionally kerlon.....i have thought abt every aspect of life....and how she could be compatible with it....i have given this so much time....i never  made this decision for months even i knew that she likes me.....but i have analysed everything and then came to a conclusion....

kher....thnxs for ur advise yar...

ferry

Your parents might be afraid of 2 thinks.

1. The age of girl is more than u and ur parents know after few years that girls look more older than u.
2. Might be u are not able to be a father.

May ALLAH guide u and give u a correct path to go. but one thing i like to tell u might be u still not think about it. when the menses of a girl stop in older age then that person will not be able to become a mother. Lehaza agar apnai abhi apnai bachon kai barai mai nahi socha hai to plz pahla yah zaror soch lain. Aik khas age ka baad aurat ko menses anai band hojatain hain aur phir woh mother nahi ban sakti.

ahmed

yaar jee ,iss main itna pershaan honey kee kiya baat hai...

I tell u one thing,the more u feel emotional,more u will come up with confusion..I complety understnds urs situation,ur love ,sincerity along with a very obdient son.here u are so kind will all,so why u thing bad for ureslf.if u are good ,then nothing rong is going to be happen with u.

U will marry with this girl AND with consent of your parents.here is the conclusion what u r really looking for...How to do that?  mama ko manaanaa buhat asaaan hota hai,aur dono ko mana uss bhee asaan.think..no big lectures as u are already mature enough.

I will only suggest you,just give both plenty of time.may be it looks an idea,but it will work...If u have tried ur best & if there so no social/moral/status complecties  etc &  still nothing,then dont panic.behave normal,no bull shit like will not marry all life or devdas style stuff.bura na manana.....behave as nothing happened and take it totaly normal & in the same time in intervals keep on remind ur parents physcallogicaly..u understanding me.just do ur daily routeen work & dont let them feel nothing even when u talk from here.u have to do some acting...I think u understand what I mean..

but if u will behave like as u will die,or some threats of not marrying all life & all that,u might loose both trusts...try to understand me,the more u will show urs sufferings for here,the more prb will be keep on comming..this is natural phonomina...waisee bhee aik stone per continuos water dala jayee tu wu bhee hil jata hai,aur parents tu buhat buhat soft aur angels hotay hain,wu kiyoon nahee manay gay,bus andaaz hona chayeee...thats all yaar jee.dont get confused by thinking or asking about this,as u will loose ur brain then.

so be happy,cool,gently & ofcourse a big actor & let me know atleat in few weeks time..

something for aag

thnxs for ur advise aag...but let me tell u few things

i completely agree that after a certain age women cant give birth to children....but that age comes after 40 or in late 40's.....but before that if a women has no prior complication or dieases.....she can concieve a healty child

plus....if it is in my fate to become a father....i will have children from her as well....and if not....they will not happen from younger wives as well...

and as far as looks are concern.....many women looks elder even if they are younger...so wats the point....and if u realy love some one by heart.....these things doesnt mater at all......miyan biwi mein looks aur sex ke ilawa ek understand aur love bhi hota hay which keeps them together for life.....werna her banda burhapey mein apni biwi ko chor nahi deta....bcz shes not having good looks?

Read it Carefully

she just want to go to UK and there is no LOVE in this world and marriage is death of LOVE . so dont go for this marriage other wise you will be in problem

bye

Ferry

My friend kindly check my post again.

I said ur parents might bhi afraid of this... i am completly agree with u but i though that these are the reasons which are also very important for parents to see. One more thing i want to ask u that do u know about her menses cycles, mera matlab hai ka apko enkai menses ki cycles ka pata hai, kiya woh bilkul sahi sai hoti hain... if u know every thing then its ok there is no need to take tension about it. and offcourse i also believed that if ALLAH want to give u baby then nothing will stop it. but offcourse we will not deny medical science..

She follow you

NOw i tell you one thing according to my experience If this girl fellow your each thing and each point then of course she do love with you.It is his Luck that she will go to U.K or she live in Pakistan.This is his LUCK.

Waiting for your comments

Ferry. Good luck and Duaas for you.

You are a smart cookie. You understood completely where I was going. Now the only thing left is how to deal with your parents. Right ?

The only way seems to be that they should have more interaction with the girl and her family. They should spend quality time with the girl and her family. Maybe you can invite the girl for whole day at a time to your parents home but you should bet out so that they have a chance to understand the girl as much as you understand her. She being smart girl will know how to win them over. If she cannot win them over too like she has won your heart then she is not the one for you. If she is that kind of girl her charm should work on your parents and anybody else who interacts with her. You understand the girl and her family completely they don't. Take a month's vacation or time off and give your parents opportunity to understand the girl and her family in more of informal settings. for example a joint family picnic , whole day outings, shopping trips etc. that way once your parents have a chance to observe the girl and her family from close proximity they might fall in love with them too. That might break the ice.

These are some of ideas with an out of the box thinking. You seem think out of the box too so think along these line and come up with some better ideas and startegies to help the girl win the hearts of your parents. Merely you pleading and appealing to their sense of justice and love for their son will not work in this case as I see it.

I will pray for your success.

thnxs "seriously"

i am doing the same.....i have convinced my mom first to go to her home and meet her and her family.....and im sure once my mom see and likes her and her family....then shes definitely gonna convince my father.....

i have taken the first step towards my goal....lets see what happens next...!!

thnxs for ur good wishes and comments guyz...and thxns for supportign em and givign me ur valuble time and advices....:)

ferryahmed!

thnxs josh

thnxs for ur compliments buddy....

u guessed it right....we really love each other very very much....apki bat to sahi hay and if i say her to stay with my parents to woh bhi man jayeege.....lekin main yahan uske baghair kia karonga yar....!!

i wud like to thank all the members of the forum who have prayed for me and wished me.....now i hope ke agar itney sarey logo ki duaein aur good wishes hamarey sath hain to inshaAllah hum zaror ek hojayengey...