A friend of mine suggested this website and asked to me to share my confusion with you guys.
I have been brought up in abroad, and haven’t lived in Pak much, therefore I am not fully aware of the traditions and customs of people living there. I belong to a moderate religious family, so naturally my parents have instilled those religious values and morals in me.
My parents have chosen a guy for me, from back home in Pakistan. I respect my parent’s decision, but my problem is that I have heard the usual wedding night custom involves intercourse. I have a very reserved and shy nature, so it would take time for me to be comfortable with that guy on a physical level.
I am fully aware that after Nikkah, he would have a right on me, but since he is a complete stranger for me, it won’t be easy for me to adjust. I would prefer that if the guy gives me some time to get to know him well enough, have a friendly bond, then go with the flow kinda relationship.
But my desi friends keep on telling me that most of the Pakistani guys aren’t that understanding or they lack patience. I want to have a healthy relationship with my future husband, and I want to be able to respect him, but if he doesn’t respect my wishes than it would be very hard for me to adjust with the new surrounding.
reply: "
friends keep on telling me that most of the Pakistani guys aren't that understanding or they lack patience "
This can be said for either guys, not just Pakistani. If you are sure to obey your parents then start getting used to Pakistani morales and customs from today, there is no moderate way out of this, this is the moderate and educated way, to accept, and learn to be accepted by a man, thats willing to lay with you and call you his wife, this truly is respect, if you mess it up because your too shy, then how many marriages are willing to do and embarass your parents? Either you are obedient, and fully accept your parents culture, or you are not, and there is no half way road here.
"how many marriages are willing to do and embarass your parents" This statement of yours, i believe is not even necessary, as i did mention earlier on that i want to have a healthy relationship with my husband, and that i respect my parent's decision.
"This can be said for either guys, not just Pakistani". I agree that my statement might have been biased, but as i said that its what i hear from my friends.
Maybe in the pakistani culture, women are not freaked out with the concept of having sex with their husband, whom they barely even know. but i get freaked out whenever i think about it.
for a Pakistani girl is a very special bond. Asking for husband to wait for intercourse with you is possible during very urgent matters such as menstrual cycle, anything other such as immediate family member death... there should be no other reasons, shy or no shy. once he signs the contract of marriage with you and you with him, you both have the right to each others body, whenever... respect of this relation is not in stopping one another but in promotion of trust between this relation.
Warning :The information presented in this web site is not intended as a substitute for medical care. Please talk with your healthcare provider about any information you get from this web site.
Arranged Marriage Confusion