 April Fool In January:
Oh my myee...Ali bhaee...Mer'ci, Mer'ci.
Haahaahhaah. Its January, not April Fool yet. Where did the marriage congrats come from??
No Ali bhai, I am not getting married, atleast not any time soon. I am single and love it that way. Because of concerns over identity theft ( you know all about it), I never mention my accurate birthdate online, therefore the age that you see on my profile is not my real age. I am infact a few years younger( late 20s). Therefore it probably would make more sense now why I am single.
Anyway, Ali bhai, if you wouldn't mind a little laugh, regarding my marriage let me ask you this:
Ali Bhai, I seek your wisdom, so please tell me thou
When milk is readily available, why sh'ld I buy the cow
HaaaHaaaaaaaaaaHaaaaaH
To all my respected readers, this is nothing more than a funny answer to Ali Bhai's comments, so please don't start interpreting what I am implying here.
Thanks anyway Ali bhai, and take care.
Mairak:
How are you??
First,very briefly about psychiatric meds. In the past 2 decades there has been a tremendous research in the field of neurosciences, and as a result of that the newer psychiatric meds are nothing short of miracles, if used appropriately by someone who is well trained in the science of neurotransmitters and is able to correctly diagnose psychiatric illness. It is true that older generation psych meds were notoriously prone to causing side effects, even to the extent of turning one into a zombie as you said, but that certainly is not the case anymore. They do still have certain side effects, that's true, but those side effects can very easily be managed by a doctor who is an expert in their use. You asked if you would be able to perform in your job if you were taking meds, then my answers is you are much more likely to succeed and function effectively when you are on meds, versus otherwise. But since you are still somewhat reluctant to make that step (which I can understand from your perspective), then I would say we would cross that bridge when we get there.
Regarding your comments about your angry responses to your mom's affection,this is not surprising at all. Human nature likes familiarity, and is uncomfortable with change, like being in unchartered waters. For years and years, you have been subjected to emotional neglect by your mom, and you have been familiar, and in a strange way, comfortable in that role. Now with the positive change in her behavior, you feel like being in unchartered waters, and are subconsciously resisting this positive change by showing anger and resentment. Does that make sense what I am trying to explain?
Safety Planning: I must say I am impressed that you got the gist of the saftey planning concept. I can tell that you are an intelligent lady ( or maybe it is just that I am a good teacher, HaaH HaaH).
Since you already got your basic concepts about what is a mood scale, we can move forward to the next step, which is about having a plan in place when things are going bad. This step is not as complex to explain, or understand, therefore I will go over it quickly and you can ask me if anything is not clear. Basically, you will identify, with with help of your mood scale, what is the number at which you are likely to start self harm. Mark that number, and everything under that in red, like a danger zone. If you are having a bad day, it is very important that BEFORE you enter that red danger zone, that you enlist your mom's help. If you have alraedy entered that red zone, than it is too late. So you have to proactively seek help before you get to that threshold beyond which things start going down on autopilot.
So how exactly do you seek mom's help? The answer is that you have no choice but to make her an ally in your fight against self harm. You will have to swallow some pride and will have to tell her the truth that you are concerned with the way your life is going, self harm etc and that you need her help. You can acknowledge to her that your relationship with her hasn't been great, and be humble and without blaming her, admit to how your behaviors have contributed to this poor relationship. Don't at any point, blame or accuse her that it is her fault that you are in the state that you are. Rather, tell her that whatever has happened in the past, that you want a fresh start and want to improve your relationship with her. Once you have her support, tell her that there are times when you feel an urge to cut on self, and that if it's ok with her, that you would like to tell her if you are feeling that way, so that she can help you be safe. I would tell you more later what are some of the things that your mom can do to help keep you safe, and more importantly what you can do to de-escalate yourself. Also tell me, who else lives in your household?
Now let's talk briefly regarding your question about your anger and how to keep mom safe from it. Basically, what you do is that you make an "Anger Scale", just like you made the mood scale, and identify the numbers on your anger scale and situations from your past experiences that got you to that number. When you see yourself appraoching the danger zones on your Anger scale, you would have to employ certain anger control techniques which I will explain to you later.
Nightmares:
Regarding your recurrent nightmares, there are several strategies that you can employ, which will benefit you atleast to some degree, maybe not a 100%, but still some improvement better than none. In the interest of time I will mention only one strategy right now, the rest of them maybe later.
What I want you to do, is to sit in your room during daytime, without distractions, and try to imagine your nightmare about your being stranded on the roof. Remember, the key is to imagine this dream as vividly as you can, paying attention to all the sights and sounds of the dream, and most importantly to experience the anxiety associated with this dream. If you are not experiencing this anxiety, than you are not doing it right. You have to feel and experience the anxiety. Try to the experience the anxiety to the fullest, and try not to stop prematurely, The goal is to ride the full wave of anxiety, and not to fight the anxiety in anyway. The more you fight the anxiety, the more intense it would become. If you don't fight the anxiety, and choose to allow yourself to experience the full wave of this anxiety, in a few minutes this anxiety would start subsiding and would eventually disappear. This is the key concept in the non pharmacological treatment of anxiety disorders. Practice this, and let me know when you are able to effectively do this, and I will move on to the next step. Make sure to practice just like I have explained to you.
I will later on tell you some relaxation strategies, that would help you with your mood, your anxiety, and with your anger as well.
On a less serious note, no I did not mind at all your comments about my marital status. In fact I found them rather amusing. And thanks for your congratulations, but as you can see above from my answer I am not getting married.
Take care and be safe.
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