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sameen23 |
Group: Members Joined: 07th Jan, 2012 Topic: 3 Post: 29 Age:
23
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| Posted on:11th Apr 2012, 4:53am |
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 psychdoc
hello sir! how are you doing?can you read person's mind??i want to know about someone he's kind of a mystery.i need your help |
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sameen23 |
Group: Members Joined: 07th Jan, 2012 Topic: 3 Post: 29 Age:
23
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| Posted on:11th Apr 2012, 5:54am |
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help required problem is regarding my father in law.i got married with the consent of my parents.my father in law first spoke to me in order to know if i m good for his son.i noticed that my father in law was having issues with my jithani as she was not a choice of my father in law.he is so rude with jithani.i feel bad for my jithani.he shows love and respect and call me beta in front of her....5 waqt ki namaz parhtay hain.kehtay hain meray betay mera sab kuch hain lekin unk shadi par ko kharcha nahi kia.aur chahtayy hain k sab unko izzat dain. kuch samajh ayi apko unki? |
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psychdoc |
Group: Members Joined: 04th Mar, 2011 Topic: 11 Post: 1025 Age:
33
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| Posted on:11th Apr 2012, 11:51pm |
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Sameen23:
I'm fine, thanks. How are you?
It is pretty hard to read someone's mind, however, a careful observation of a peron's behavior can certainly tell a lot about that person.
Regarding your father in law, it seems like he has some control and power issues. People like this tend to feel good only when they feel like they have absolute power, and they love to control their environment and the lives of other people around them. When they feel like they don't have power over someone, they tend to become verbally abusive towards that person ( like the case of your sister in law).
Generally speaking, all of us , to some extent , like to be in power and control. But when this behavior becomes an extreme, that's when the problems start, and they can make the life of other people in the household a living hell and a nightmare. To make matters worse, such people always think that they are absolutely right and and they loose their capacity to display empathy ( they loose their ability to understand other people's feelings). As a result of this, problems like the ones you shared, start happening.
Just to emphasize again, all of us like to be in power and control to a certain extent, but only when this behavior becomes an extreme that's when it crosses the line from being normal to abnormal behavior.
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sameen23 |
Group: Members Joined: 07th Jan, 2012 Topic: 3 Post: 29 Age:
23
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| Posted on:11th Apr 2012, 6:54pm |
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psychdoc i am good.yes exactly.he wants to rule over our lives.everybody at home is sick of him because he tries to interfere in everyone's life.he wants everyone to call him everyday it is not possible for me to call him and talk for hours.i am a married woman i'll have to see my kitchen i'll have to clean my room but he doesnt understand this.my mother in law doesnt like to spend so much time at home just because of father in law.i am so scared of him that i dont keep mobile with me so that he cannot call me.he wants everyone to pay respect to him.he wants everyone to talk to him.he wants to hear 'jee jee' 'you are right' from all of us even if he is not right.how to deal with person like him?.i sometimes think i will go crazy doctor. |
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sameen23 |
Group: Members Joined: 07th Jan, 2012 Topic: 3 Post: 29 Age:
23
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| Posted on:12th Apr 2012, 1:40am |
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psychdoc i observe him very carefully and every word of yours is true...he even doesnot hesitate to abuse jithani while talking about her with another person because she doesnt obey him.is it appropriate to use a word 'Abnormal' for him? |
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psychdoc |
Group: Members Joined: 04th Mar, 2011 Topic: 11 Post: 1025 Age:
33
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| Posted on:12th Apr 2012, 11:12pm |
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How to deal with your father in law:
Sameen,
Your father in law is suffering from what is commonly called Narcissistic personality disorder . This disorder is named after a character from ancient Greek mythology, Narcissus, who was an extremely handsome young man who fell in love with his own image that he saw in a pond, and became so preoccupied with his own beauty that he was unable to leave the pond and ultimately ended his life there.
Narcissistic personality disorder refers to people who are always in need for self admiration. These people love to be the centre of attention, love being admired by others, think of self as being better than everyone, love to exploit others for their own benefits, have very little regard for the rights of others, lack empathy( lack the capacity to understand other people's feelings), and tend to become upset and angry easily if they feel other people are not giving them the kind of attention that they deserve. These people repeatedly try to put others down, and would try to do anything and everything to be the centre of attention, and to be admired. Does that sound like your father in law??
Dealing with such people is certainly not an easy task, but if you understand their behaviors, then it would be easy for you to atleast tolerate them. The most important thing that you have to understand is that he will try to put people around him down, to inflate his own ego, to make him feel better and good about himself. Therefore it is imperative that you and your sister in law understand his motives, and don't put yourself down even when he is trying his best to do so. Just doing this would greatly help you and your sister in law in dealing with his annoying behaviors.
Another very important thing to understand is that his behavior is driven by an underlying need for being told that he is important, and this is something that you can use to your own advantage, and I will tell you how.
You mentioned that he needs to be called daily over the telephone, and that this is something that is very annoying to you, to the point that you probably are spending a good deal of time trying to avoid the dreaded phone call from him. So this is what i want you to do. Instead of spending hours of your time thinking and dreading about when he would call, I want you to tell him that how much you appreciate talking to him, how much you appreciate his wisdom and his advice ( fulfiling his need for admiration).Tell him that when sometimes he calls, you are unfortunately unable to talk to him because of the household chores etc, therefore you would like for him to set aside about 15 minutes daily ( at a specific time) so that you could call him then and benefit from his wisdom. Pursuing this strategy would help you fulfill his need to feel important, and would help you in the way that you don't have to spend the better part of your day worrying when he would call, and instead just be done with him in 15 minutes daily, and then you can go about enjoying your day.
This is a simple yet powerful strategy that would help you as long as you do it consistently.
Good luck!
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sameen23 |
Group: Members Joined: 07th Jan, 2012 Topic: 3 Post: 29 Age:
23
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| Posted on:15th Apr 2012, 11:07pm |
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psychdoc i hope so,doctor.i will give it a try and then let you know how is it going.thank you.i got to know alot about my father in law.thank you so much doctor. |
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psychdoc |
Group: Members Joined: 04th Mar, 2011 Topic: 11 Post: 1025 Age:
33
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| Posted on:17th Apr 2012, 12:33am |
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Sameen:
You are very welcome. |
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Siyah Posh |
Group: Members Joined: 08th Apr, 2012 Topic: 6 Post: 264 Age:
47
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| Blocked |
| Posted on:18th Apr 2012, 1:11am |
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sameen23
ap ki tamaam batain btati hain k ap k F L ehsas e kamtari ka shikar hain sari life un ki koi khas hasiyat nhn thi ya nhn di gai lekin aulad ko unhon ne control main rakha hai aur woh jantay hain k ager woh kahain gay to un k betay apni biwiyon ko talaq bhi de den gay aur woh is ka bermala izhar bhi kertay hon gay is k ilawa aik bat aur bhi hai k shayed un k pass kuch jaidad bhi ho gi jis ki base hai un k pass is k ilawa aik bat aur bhi hai k na chahtay huway bhi un k betay un ki izzat kertay hain kiun k aisa lagta hai k ap k F L ziyadah educated nhn aur ager hain to bhi perhay likhay jahil type k jab k un ki aulad educated hai ap ki saas ka un se bhagna bhi is bat ka saboot hai k woh ap ki saas se kam ter thay kisi bhi aik wajah main ya bohat sari wajoohat main aisay insan k sath guzara mushkil hota hai ap ki batain yeh bhi btati hain k woh shaki mizaj honay k sath sath be ehtiyat bhi hain yani bahu betiyon k sath stupid topics bhi discuss ker letay hain is k ilawa ap log aik gher main nhn lekin aik city main zarur rehtay ho shayed ap apnay husband se un ki shikayet nhn ker sakty ho kiun k ap k husband bhi un se tang hain lekin kuch keh nhn saktay is surat main ap se hi leraai ho jai gi un ki aisay log apnay bachpan se jawani aur jawani se burhapay ki hudood tak ignored rehay hotay hain aur yehi moqa ya age hoti hai jab woh importance pa saktay hain aur koshish bhi kertay hain unhain yeh tameez nhn hoti k log un se der rahay hain ya un ki izzat ker rahay hain unhain sirifyeh nazar ata hai k un ki JI HUZOORI ho rahi hai isi main un ki ana ko taskeen pohanchty hai aisay logon k sath ehtiyat bertani chahyay kiun k apni ana ki taskeen ya khud ki jeet k liyay yeh kisi bhi had tak ja saktay hain ya gir saktay hain ager ap alag rehty ho to ehtiyat kero un k sath dealing main kiun k ho sakta hai k woh kisi per kuch bhi ilzam tak laganay se na chookain aisay log kitchen se le ker bed room tak dakheel hotay hain yeh tak pooch letay hain bahu se k aj subah subah kiun nahaai ho |
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sameen23 |
Group: Members Joined: 07th Jan, 2012 Topic: 3 Post: 29 Age:
23
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| Posted on:20th Apr 2012, 5:09pm |
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siyah posh hahaha.....that last sentence made me laugh... yes mudaakhlat to boht kartay hain meri jithani ki nayi nayi shadi hui thi to baghair knock kiye us k room mai daakhil ho jaatay thay....pehlay pehlay meri jithani k sath unka rawaiyya boht acha tha jab wo unko time deti thi pir jab uskay bachay ho gaye to time nahi day paati thi ab to jaisay susar uskay peechay par gaye hain baat baat par usko zaleel kartay hain kabhi kabhi us k rishtay daaron k samnay ba insult kartay hain. jee nahi jahil nahi hain wo mba kia hua hai bank president reh chukay hain.... shuru shuru mai jab meri nayi nayi shadi hui thi to mujhe kehtay thay k koi masla ho to mujhe batana aur beta meray sath batain kia karo tum meray sath q nahi bolti...ye wo kisi k samnay boltay to khoob sharminda hoti mai to Allah ka shukar hai kabhi un k sath frank nahi hui izzat karti hoon baqi fazool gup shup nahi lagati.... ehsaas e kamtari ka nahi pata lekin haan meri saas susar k muqablay mai khoobsurat hain meri saas mazak mai unhain is baat ka ehsaas b dilati hain meray susar parhay likhay ho kar b jahilon say zyada jahil hain wo jab meri jithani ko meray samnay bey zat kartay hain to mujhe rona ata hai q k wo b meri tarha aurat hai aur meray susar ko aurat ki izzat karna nahi ata ho sakta hai kuch waqt guzarnay k baad unka rawaiyya meray sath b is tarha ka ho jaye.kehtay hain ghar mai ek b abnormal person ho uski wajah say poora ghar disturb ho jata hai ...hum sab nafsiati mareez ban kar reh gaye hain q k hamara control jis k hath mai wo zehni tor par beemar hai |
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sameen23 |
Group: Members Joined: 07th Jan, 2012 Topic: 3 Post: 29 Age:
23
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| Posted on:27th Apr 2012, 5:13pm |
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psychdoc sir i did as you told me to do.mai khud he unko rozana phone karti hoon.actually sir hum uk mai rehtay hain saas susar jeth aur jithani ek sath ek city mai rehtay hain jab k mai aur meray shohar doosri city mai.pichlay dino wo ayye to khoob batain waatain hui aur jab wapas gaye to meray shohar ko kaha k sameen ghar par akeli bore hoti hogi tum apna phone us k pas chor dia karo mai b ghar par akela bore hota hoon hum donon batain karain gay.meray shohar ne unko keh dia k wo khud ko busy rakhti hai ghar k kaamon mai.to ye sun kar pir chup ho gaye.....kal jab mai ne phone kia to saas ne shohar ko kaha k sameen ghar par bore hoti hogi usko mobile lay kar do ta k tumharay pappa k sath batain waghera karay.mujhe to boht ghusa aya susar ka mood b thora off laga.is week mai susral ja rahi hoon aur mujhe shayed susar driving sikhayein q k wo jab yahan aye thay to meri saas ne kaha tha k tum udhar aao ge to pappa tumhein driving thori boht sikha dein gay.is stupid insan ka mai kya karun??apni biwi us say duur bhagti hai to mujhe aur meri jithani ko tang kia hua hai.....what to do sir? |
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sameen23 |
Group: Members Joined: 07th Jan, 2012 Topic: 3 Post: 29 Age:
23
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| Posted on:27th Apr 2012, 5:28pm |
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psychdoc sir i would like to add k is tarah haq jama kar baat kartay hain aur is tarah haq say gilla kartay hain jaisay Allah na karay wo meray shohar hoon.fazool mai free honay ki koshish kartay hain jab b susral jati hoon to sar par kiss kartay hain.mujhe boht ajeeb lagta hai.meray sath akelay mai photo banwatay huay meray nazdeek kharay ho jatay hain ap unki is harkat ko kaisay judge karain gayy?ye sirf meri ghalat fehmi hai ya waqai un k sath koi masla hai.kisi smart larki ko dekhtay hain to apni biwi ko boltay hain k tum b inki tarah smart ban gayi to boht pyari lago gi.ye baat meray shohar ne mujhe batayi.mai har rishtay mai limits rakhnay ki kayel hoon aur jo b limits cross karta hai mujhe boht ghusa charta hai.dil karta hai rakh k thappar lagaon ta k aqal thikanay ajaye unki... |
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psychdoc |
Group: Members Joined: 04th Mar, 2011 Topic: 11 Post: 1025 Age:
33
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| Posted on:30th Apr 2012, 12:24am |
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Your Father In law:
Sameen,
Jo kuch aap nay bataya, uska basis par kuch baatain mention karna chahta hoon:
Telephone situation:
Aap na batay keh aap apna father in law ko daily call kar rahee hain, as we had discussed. Magar aap na yeh nahin bataya keh 15 minutes ke daily call ( jo aap kartee hain), uska illawa bhee kiya aap kay father in law aap ko call karna ke koshish kar raha hain yaa nahin? Jahan tak yeh baat hai keh aap ke mother in law shayad aap kee iss daily calling say thorri upset hain ,kiya aap iss baat ko thorra aur detail mein explain kar saktee hain?
Father In Law's Grooming Behavior:
Aap na apna father in law kay baaray mein jo bataya woh waqai concerning hai.
Aap na apni post mein mention kiya :
".....meray sath akelay mai photo banwatay huay meray nazdeek kharay ho jatay hain ap unki is harkat ko kaisay judge karain gayy?ye sirf meri ghalat fehmi hai ya waqai un k sath koi masla hai."
Iska jawab mein English ka aik proverb mention karna chahta hoon: If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck!!! Agar aap ka dil keh raha hai keh jo kuch aap kay father in law kar raha hain woh ghalat hai ( physically zyada kareeb aana ke koshish karna etc) , to zyada chance yehi hai keh aap kaa dil ghalat nahin keh raha. Kehna ka matlab yeh keh aap kay father in law ka behavior obviously inappropriate hai, aur aap ka shak sahih hai keh woh jo kuch kar raha hain woh ghalat aur tehzeeb kay daira say bahar hai. Iss behavior ko "Grooming Behavior" kehta hain, aur iska matlab hai keh woh aap ke taraf dhaka chuppa andaaz mein sexual advances kar raha hain ( bilkul openly nahin for obvious reasons), aur dhaka chuppa andaaz mein iss liya takeh aap kahin aik dam shocked aur alert nah ho jaaian.
Aap ko mohtaat ho jaana chahye aur sab say pehla munasib alfaaz mein apna husband ko iss baray mein confidence mein lay lain. Husband ko poori detail start mein batana kee zaroorat nahin, aap sirf itna keh saktee hain keh aap apna father in law ke presence mein thorra uneasy feel kartee hain. Yaqeenan aap kay husband aap say iss kee wajah poochain gay, and that would be your chance to mention your concerns in detail. Ho sakta hai keh initially aap kay husband aap par thorra ghussa hon, magar yeh fact hai keh iska baad woh apna father kay behavior ko thorra ghorr say observe karna lagain gay, jiski inappropriateness ka shayad aap kay husband ko abhee bhee kisi had tak andaaza to zaroor hai ( jaisa keh aap kay husband na bataya keh unka father smart larkion ko daikh kar kis tarah kay comments daita hain), magar apna denial ( kisi haqeeqat ko nah mana jae kiyonkeh uss ko accept karna bohot painful hota hai) ke wajah say iss baat ko accept nahin kar paa raha keh unka apna father kee apni daughter in law yaani aap par gandi nazar hai.
Yeh baat yaad rakhain keh dunya mein kuch aaisa bhee log hota hain jinhain rishton ka taqattdus nahin hota. Yeh log aksar apni age aur apna rishta ka ghalat isteemal kartay hain, aur apni he bahu aur baition par ghalat nazar rakhta hain. Aur problem yeh hai keh baitiyaan yaa to iss ghalat behavior ko samajh nahin paatein , yaa agar samajh bhee jaati hain to rishton kay ihtaram ke wajah say yaa iss wajah say keh koi unki baat par yaqeen nahin karay gaa, sab kuch khamoshi say bardasht kartee rehtee hain. Qareebi family members kay saath sexually inappropriate behavior ko "Incest" kehta hain, aur yeh ghaleez amal doosri societies kee tarah hamari society mein bhee paaya jaata hai, aur isko rokna intehai zaroori hai.
Sameen, meri dua hai keh aap kay father in law aisa nah hon, magar agar iss baat kaa 1% bhee chance hai keh unki niyat theek nahin tp aap ko bohot zyada careful ho jaana chaye, apni izzat ke hifazat kay liya.
Incest kay baaray mein further information kay liya mera yeh article bhee daikh lain:
I hope it will help you understand some important things about such people, and how to deal with them.
All the best! Be careful, and above all, be safe!
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sameen23 |
Group: Members Joined: 07th Jan, 2012 Topic: 3 Post: 29 Age:
23
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| Posted on:2nd May 2012, 6:59pm |
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psychdoc mobile meray shohar k pas hota hai aur wi office say atay hain tab he mai un ko call karti hoon.meri zyada say zyada 15 ya 25 min he baat hoti hai aur meri koshish hoti hai k mai unko late call karun 10 ya 11 bajay.q k wo pir so jatay hain kabhi kabhi jab meray shohar ghar par hotay hain to wo subah k waqt khud he call kartay hain aur ye keh kar band kar detay hain k mai dobara call karunga is tarah jab meray shohar ki chuti hoti hai to 2 ya 3 dafa baat hoti hai.apnay husband say mai ne us din baat ki jab meri mehendi k function k baad mai sab say mil kar ghar ja rahi thi.hua yoon k sab meray sar par hath pher kar mujhe duayein day rahay thay jab k meray susar ne hath milaya.unka behaviour is k baad b mujhe boht ajeeb laga.meray shohar ne mujhe he mohtaat rehnay ko kaha. meray susar ki tabeyat shuru say he ajjeb thi.ye mujhe meray shohar ne bataya k wo meri saas ko martay thay unki marzi k khilaaf wo koi kaam karti to talaaq ki dhamki detay apnay bachon ko b martay thay.sab ne he boht dab k zindagi guzari hai.mehfil mai agar bethay hon to chahtay hain k sab un he ko attention pay karain mai jab b susraal jati hoon to hath mila kar sar par kiss kartay hain mujhe boht bura lagta hai lekin kuch bol nahi sakti aur ab to susraal jaanay ko dil b nahi karta. mai ne jithani k sath ye matter discuss kia to os ne kaha k papa asal mai attention aur pyar chahtay hain aur ye kaam hamara nahi uski biwi ka hai aur biwi is k sath time guzarnay ki bajaye bahir waqt guzarna pasand karti hai.meri saas job par hoti hai sara din aur wo job say ajati hai to pir susar chalay jatay hain job par.apko mai apnay susar k baray mai bataon ge to ap heraan ho jayein gay apni biwi ko kehtay hain mai tum logon ko UK laya aur tum logon ne mujhe kuch nahi dia pir saas ne 100 dollar bag say nikaal kar day diye.halaan kay dolat ki koi kami nahi lekin kanjoosi ki had tamam hai.apni biwi ko kehtay hain k mujhe naam say na bulaya karo to ab meri saas unko janu keh kar bulati hai.gaari mai kahin ja rahay hon aur agar speed breaker par speed kam na karain to biwi ko bura bhala kehtay hain k tum ne mujhe bataya q nahi k agay speed breaker hai.khana peena free hai ghar mai kharcha nahi detay phone ka bill meray shohar detay hain pir b shikway kartay hain k meray betay meri izzat nahi kartay. mujhe hamesha ye dar laga rehta hai k pata nahi kab wo koi ghalat bat keh dain q k mujhe to un par bilkul b yakeen nahi i read your article it was very informative n ye jaan kar boht heraan hui k jo mai soch rahi hoon wo meri ghalat fehmi nahi balkay haqeeqat hai |
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sameen23 |
Group: Members Joined: 07th Jan, 2012 Topic: 3 Post: 29 Age:
23
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| Posted on:23rd Jul 2012, 5:37pm |
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he is irritating me..... Sir, meray susar aj kal jobless hain.ghar mai pata nahi kya kya sochtay hain kisi na kisi k peechay par jatay hain mai umeed say hoon meri tabeyat theek nahi rehti 1 hafta to sakoon say rahi hafta baad phir say betay ko phone kar kar k mera poochtay hain k kahan hai meray shohar usko taaltay rahay kabhi kehtay kitchen mai hai kabhi kehtay washroom mai hai lehaza susar say baat nahi hui ek din poochaa to mai sath he bethi hui thi shohar ne phone mujhe pakra dia mai ne salaam kia to kehnay lagay hum kuch khaatay to nahi tum say jo baat nahi karti ho mai hakka bakka reh gayi k ye kis lehjay mai baat kar rahay hain mai ne kaha kuch khaanay ki baat nahi meri tabeyat theek nahi rehti.phir sharminda ho gaye kehnay lagay mai to mazak kar raha tha...mujhe apnay suysar say nafrat hai shohar k samnay pyar jatatay hain ta k unka paisa kha sakain |
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psychdoc |
Group: Members Joined: 04th Mar, 2011 Topic: 11 Post: 1025 Age:
33
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| Posted on:25th Jul 2012, 11:17pm |
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Sameen:
First of all, congrats to you.
Mein nay aap ko pehla bhee bataya thaa keh aap kay lia zaroori hai keh apna husband ko apna father in law say related concerns kaa baaray mein munasib alfaaz mein bata dain, otherwise it will eventually become more and more difficult for you to face the advances of your father in law.
Aik aur cheez yeh hai keh iss condition mein jabkeh aap ke body mein har month new changes aaiain gee, yeh possible hai keh aap ka father in law inn changes kay baaray mein bhee aap say discussions karna lagain, which ofcourse would be very awkward for you.
Jaisa keh mein nay aap ko pehla aik reply mein bataya thaa, aap munsasib alfaaz mein apna husband ko confidence mein lay lain. Start mein aap sirf hubby say yeh keh dain keh aap father in law ke presence mein uncomfortable feel kartee hain. Jab hubby aap say iski wajah poochain to munasib alfaaz mein sab bata dain. Iski detail kay lia mera April 30th waala reply parrh lain.
All the best.
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