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Childhood Sexual Abuse Aur Uska Long Term Effects:
Social Problem
 
 
 
psychdoc Group: Members  Joined: 04th Mar, 2011  Topic: 11  Post: 1228  Age:  33  
Posted on:25th Sep 2011, 11:40pm
 

Childhood Sexual Abuse Aur Uska Long Term Effects:

Iss article ka bunyaadi maqsad childhood sexual abuse ka baaray mein awareness create karna hai. Childhood sexual abuse aik aisi social evil  hai jiski jitni mazammat ke jai kam hai, magar yeh bhee haqeeqat hai keh hamari society mein bhee yeh marz bohat zyada paya jaata hai, jo hum sab ka liya aik lamhae fikarya hai. Jis waqt aap yeh article parrh rahay hon gay, unfortunately uss waqt kahin na kahin koi na koi baccha abuse ka shikar bhee ho raha ho gaa.

  Meri koshish hai keh iss article ka zarya mein parents ko childhood sexual abuse ka warning signs ka baaray  mein  educate karoon takeh agar khuda na khuwasta unka bachaa is ghinaoni cheez ka shikar ho raha hai to woh early stages par he samajh jaian keh unka bachaay kay saath  kuch ghalat ho raha hai, kiyonka zyada tar bachaa apna barroon ko iss baaray mein kuch nahin batatay, guilt aur darr/khoff ke wajah say.

 Sab say pehlay mein childhood sexual abuse ka baaray mein kuch misconceptions ( ghalat fahmian) door karna chahoon gaa. 
 
Common misconceptions about sexual abuse of children:

1).  Bohat say parents yeh samajhta hain keh childhood abuse zyada tar strangers kartay hain. Haqeeqat yeh hai  keh abuse kay majority of cases mein abuser koi stranger nahin hota balkeh koi qareebi relative, family friend, teacher  ya even close  family member ( father, brother etc) bhee ho sakta hai.

 
 2). Aik aur ghalat fehmi yeh hai keh abuse ka shikaar sirf girls hoti hain. Fact yeh hai keh boys bhee sexual abuse ka shikaar ho saktay hain, balkeh hota hain.


 3). Aam khayal yeh hai keh sexual abuse  sirf males kartay hain, magar haqeeqat yeh hai keh bohat say cases mein sexual abuse karnay waala person koi male nahin balkeh female hoti hai. 


 4). Aksar parents yeh samajhta hain keh agar unka bachaay ka saath kisi nay kuch ghalat kiya to woh aa kar  apna parents ko bataa dai gaa, jabkeh fact yeh hai keh abuse ka shikaar bachoon ke majority yeh jaannay ka bawajood keh unka saath kisi nay kuch ghalat kiya hai, kisi ko iska baaray mein kuch nahin batatay. Iski kai reasons hain. For example abuse karna waala person bachaa kay dil mein yeh baat daal daita hai keh yeh jo ghalat kaam bachaa kay saath kiya jaa raha hai iss mein asal qusoor bachaa ka he hai. Is liya guilt ke feelings ke wajah say bachaa apna moonh nahin kholta. Aksar abuser bachaa ko darra dhamka bhee daita hain keh agar kisi say kuch kaha to tumhain maar dain gay etc etc. ya phir yeh bhee keh diya jaata hai keh agar tum nay kisi say iss baray mein kuch kaha to koi tumhari baat par yaqeen nahin kara gaa.


 5). Yeh misconception bhee door kar laina chaya keh sexual abuse sirf sexual intercourse ko hee kehta hain. Sexual abuse kae different types ka hota hai, maslan touching, rubbing, kissing, apna aap ko bachay kay saamna expose kar daina ( naked ho jaana), ya bachoon kay saamnay sexual baatain karna.  Aik aur common sexual abuse "grooming" kehlata hai, jis mein bachay ko emotionally apna qareeb kiya jaata hai, usko friend banaya jaata hai takeh bachaa trust karnay lagay aur phir jab trust develop ho jaata hai to phir sexual abuse start kar diya jaata hai. Yaani grooming  say bachaa ko sexual abuse kay liya prepare kiya jaata hai. 

 
6). Aik bohat common misconception yeh hai keh agar abuse ka waqt bachaa 2-3 years old hai to usko choonkeh sexual matters ka baaray mein kuch nahin patah hota to aisa bachaa par abuse kay koi long term effects nahin hon  gay. Haqeeqat yeh hai keh is age mein bhee bachay kay ander atleast  itni mental capacity hoti hay keh who yeh jaan laita hai keh uska saath kuch ghalat kiya jaa raha, aur iss age kay bachaaa par bhee sexual abuse kay long term effects hota hain. Aisa bachaay sexual abuse ka baad  aam tor par apna toys for examples dolls waghiara say is andaaz mein khailna lagta hain jaisa dolls apas mein sexual intercourse waghaira kar rahi hon. Normal bachha iss age mein apna toys say aisa nahin khailtay. 
  

Chalain ab yeh discuss kartay hain keh who kaya warning signs ya red flags hain jo agar aap apnay bachaay mein daikhain to iss baat ke possibility hai keh aap ka bachaa sexual abuse ka shikaar ho raha hai.

 
1).Change in mood and personality:  Agar aap feel karain keh aap ka bachaa apna normal behavior say different act kar raha hai, for example aik friendly aur outgoing bachaa bilkul chup aur khamosh rehna laga hai to yeh sexual abuse ka sign bhee ho sakta hai.


 2).Sleep problems: Agar aap ka bachaa jo pehlay normal sota thaa, agar ab uss bachaa ko frequent nightmares  aanay lagay hai aur who sota mein darnay laga hai to bhee sexual abuse ke possibility consider karni chahya.


 3). Frequent bedwetting: Yeh aik bohat important warning sign hai childhood sexual abuse ka. 


4). Frequent urinary tract infections aur constipation: Agar aap ka bachaay ko frequent urinary tract infections ho rahe hain ya baar baar constipation develop ho rahe hai to yeh sexual abuse ke wajah say bhee ho sakta hai.


 5). Frequent tummy aches: Agar aap ka bachaa bar bar pait mein dard waghaira ke shikayat kar raha hai  magar doctors kay mutabiq sab kuch theek hai, to bhee sexual abuse ke possibility consider karna chahya.


 6). Feeling uncomfortable around one particular adult: Agar ap notice karain keh aap ka bachaa kisi khas adult ke company mein uncomfortable rehna laga hai to yeh bhee aik red flag hai. 


 7). Warning Sign: Agar aap daikhain ke koi adult aap ka bachaay say kuch zyada he close hai, aur bacha ka saath akalay time guzarnay ke possibilities ke tallash mein rehata hai to as a parent, aap ko mohtaat rehna chaya.


  8). Child's Play: Agar koi choota bachaa ( 2-3 years old) apni dolls say aisa khailna laga jaisa dolls sexual intercourse kar rahe hon to yeh aik bohat strong indication hai keh bachaa ko kisi nay abuse kiya hai. 

 
Agar khuda na khuwasta aap ka bachaa sexual abuse ka shikaar hoa hai to iss abuse ke wajah say  uski personality par bohat he kharab aasraat parain gay. Aisa bachon ke aksariat shadeed emotional problems ka shikaar ho jaati hai, jiski wajah say unki studies bhee effected hoti hain, relationships bhee effected hoti hain ( for example aaga chal kar  after marriage problems), aur aisa bachaa aksar apna full potential reach karna mein nakaam rehta hain.

Aaian daikhta hain keh sexual abuse kay aap ka bachaa ke personality par kya long term effects parain gay: 

 
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder ( PTSD):  PTSD aik psychiatric illness hai jo un logon mein develop hoti hai jinhain abuse kiya gaya ho, ya jinhoon nay koi bohat barra haadsa waghaira daikha ho ya un ka saath koi barra hadsaa paish aaya ho. PTSD mein extreme anxiety kay symptoms develop hota hain, misaal kay tor par raat ko sota hoa nightmares aana  jiski wajah say bachaa itna darr jaata hai keh raat ko sahih say so bhee nahin sakta.  Iska saath saath flashbacks kay symptoms bhee hota hain, jin mein bachaa  kay  zehan mein baar baar abuse waali situation  replay ho rahi hota hai aur bachaa iski wajah say itna anxious ho jaata hai keh uski studies waghaira effect  hona lagtee hain. Iska saath rapid heartbeat aur shakiness bhee develop ho jaati hai. Agar bachaa ka saamna kisi aisa person say ho jae jiski shakal abuser say milti julti ho to bachaa us person say bhee intihai khoofzada ho jaata hai. Agar proper treatment nah kiya jae to PTSD  kay symptoms  even adult life mein bhee peecha nahin chorta aur life aik living hell ban jaati hai. 

 
Depression:  Sexual abuse ke aik aur complication depression ke shakal mein saamna aati hai. Depression ke wajah say bachay ke sleep effect hoti hai, uski appetite kam ho jaati hai, bachaa tired feel karta hai, aksar crying episodes hota hain, bachaa ka apni pasandeeda activities mein interest kam ho jaata hai, apna friends say door door rehna lagta hai, uski studies effect hona lagte hain, aur who mayos aur hopeless feel karna lagta hai, aur kabhee kabhaar to even suicide ka khayalaat bhee aanay lagtay hain. PTSD ke tarah deprssion ka bhee proper treatment bohat zaroori hai. 

 
Anger problems: Aksar bachaa jo sexually abuse kiya gae hon, un mein extreme aggressio aur  anger problems develop ho jaati hain, jinki wajah say bachaa aksar doosra bachoon ko hit karnay lagta hai ya cheezain waghaira throw karna ya break karna  lagta hai. 

 
Abnormal sexual behavior:  Unfortunately, kuch bachaa jinko sexually abused kiya gaya ho, un mein say kuch bachaay aagay chal  kar khud abuser ban jaatay hain, yaani doosray bachoon ko sexually  abuse karna lagta hain. Ya doosra lafzon mein yoon samajh lain keh adult sexual abusers ke aik barri taadad aisa hai jinhain unka bachpan mein khud kisi nay abuse kiya thaa.  

 
Medical complications: Emotion problems ka saath saath sexual abuse ke bohat se medical complications bhee hote hain. Aisa bachoon mein frequent urinary tract infections aur constipation  kay symptoms develop ho jaatay hain. Iska illawah genital organs ( vagina, penis) aur rectum/anus ke injuries bhee bohat common hain. Aik aur barra risk sexually transmitted diseases ka hai, for example chlamydia infection, gonnorhea, hepatitis B, herpes, syphlis , aur  even HIV ya AIDS. 


 
Parents role: Childhood sexual abuse aik bohat common problem hai, aur unfortunately koi bhee bachaa iska shikaar ho sakta hai. Magar khushi ke baat yeh hai keh bohat se aise baatain hain keh agar parents unpar amal karain to woh apna bachaa ko is laanat say bachaana mein aham kirdaar ada kar sakta hain. Aaian daikhta hain keh who kaya baatain hain jo as a parent, unkay  bachoon ke safety ka liya bohat important hain.
 
Good touch/Bad touch:  Choti umar say hee bachon ko good touch aur bad touch ka difference samjhain. Iski aasan example yeh hai keh bachaa ko samjhaian keh jab koi hamari body ko touch karta hai to hamare ander different types ke feelings develop hoti hain. Kuch touches aisa hota hain jinsay hamara ander khushi  aur itmeenan ke feelings develop hoti hain, for example agar parenst pyaar say sar par haath phairain ya hug karain waghira. Magar kuch touches aisa hota hain jinki wajah say ham uncomfortable aur uneasy feel kartay hain, for example agar koi hamaray sexual organs ko touch karay, ya phir inappropriately kiss waghaira karay. Bachaa ko samjhaian keh yeh bad touch kaha jae gaa aur agar kabhee koi unko bad touch karay, chahay who koi bhee ho, foran apna parents ko aa kar batain. 
 
Iska illawah jaisa keh mein nay ooper discuss kiya keh childhood sexual abuse kay baaray mein apnay misconceptions ko door karain, aur childhood sexual abuse kay warning signs aur red flags ko hamesha apna zehan mein rakhain. Iska saath saath apna bachoon ko properly supervise karain, khas tor par un situations mein jin mein koi non family member bachay kay saath alone ho.

Parents ka liya zaroori hai keh unki relationship apna bachoon ke saath  aisi ho keh bachaa har baat confidently apna parents ka saath share kar sakay. Magar unfortunately, bohat say parents apna bachon ka dil mein apna dar aur khof iss had tak bithaa daitay hain keh bachaa unsay kuch bhee kehta hoa ya share kartay hoa darta hai. Apna bachon kay dil mein yeh baat bithaa dain keh woh har baat apna parents say discuss kar sakain, bila kisi dar aur khof kay.
 
Closing Statements:

Iss article mein main nay jo kuch kaha hay uss say yeh andaaza nah lagaya jae keh parents ko har shaks par shuk kurna start kar daina chahya. Zyada tar log achee nature ka hota hain, magar kuch log aisa bhee hota hain jo bazahir achhaay nazar aatay hain magar haqeeqat mein yeh log woh hota hain jinhain English mein "Wolf in sheep's clothing"  yaani bhairr ke khaal mein bhairyaa kaha jaata hai. Parents say guzarish hai keh aisa he bhairyoon say apna bachoon ko bachain.
I hope keh iss article ko parrh kar parents kay ander childhood sexual abuse kay baaray mein awareness develop ho gee. Agar 1% parents bhee is article ko parrh kar apna bachoon ko sexual abuse say protect kar sakain to mein samjhon gaa keh mein apni iss koshish mein kamyaab raha. 

Please also read my other article on a related subject:
WellKnOwN Group: Members  Joined: 06th Sep, 2011  Topic: 48  Post: 3378  Age:  23  
Posted on:26th Sep 2011, 5:26am
 

Well Explained By psychdoc

Ap ne bohot hi acha kiya ke iss topic ko start karke kitne log aware hoe honge jo ke carefull rehte hunge or apne bacho ko ghalat raste se bacha kare.

Allah ease harkato se har kisi ko bacha le. AMEEN SUMA AMEEN
w0man Group: Members  Joined: 20th Aug, 2011  Topic: 1  Post: 20  Age:  35  
Posted on:26th Sep 2011, 5:58am
 

.....

ameen..
psychdoc Group: Members  Joined: 04th Mar, 2011  Topic: 11  Post: 1228  Age:  33  
Posted on:29th Sep 2011, 11:08pm
 

WellKnown:


Aap ka comments ka bohot shukria.

Jee haan, fact yehi hai keh yeh aik bohot common problem hai, magar unfortunately, iska baaray mein awareness nah hona ka barabar hai. Aur yeh ham sab ke responsibility hai keh iss problem ka baaray mein awareness create karain.
Sandyutice Group: Members  Joined: 29th Sep, 2011  Topic: 0  Post: 1  Age:  26  
Posted on:30th Sep 2011, 2:53am
 

Enlast Review

...Edited Irrelevant Post...




Irrelevant posts are not allowed here.
Moderator
WellKnOwN Group: Members  Joined: 06th Sep, 2011  Topic: 48  Post: 3378  Age:  23  
Posted on:30th Sep 2011, 3:04am
 

phsycodoc

Haa wo baat to hai, or awareness bi achi bat hai.
sidra1 Group: Members  Joined: 05th Nov, 2011  Topic: 7  Post: 171  Age:  29  
Posted on:9th Nov 2011, 4:36am
 

hold on

i was reading ur article u said if child start playing that way i use to play that way but i donot know i donot remember any one abused me in fact now at this age i am confused about a person who was helping me but i doubt that he was abusing me.i am confused i do not know the more i read about it the more shock i get the more pain the more mistrust and hatred for mankind
psychdoc Group: Members  Joined: 04th Mar, 2011  Topic: 11  Post: 1228  Age:  33  
Posted on:9th Nov 2011, 10:07am
 

Sidra1:

There is a clear difference between what would be considered normal vs abnormal sexual play or behavior in children. First thing that I want to mention is that children express their inner experience and their true feelings through play, not through words (like most adults do). Therefore the way a child plays can tell a lot about whether something bad has happened to that child, as long as we know what to look for in the child's play.
Normal children have a certain degree of curiosity regarding human body. Therefore, playing "doctor doctor"would be considered a normal part of a child's development, or even if they are trying to remove the clothing of the doll to look at what's under the clothes. All this is entirely normal for children. However, what is considered abnormal,is when they start playing with dolls like the dolls are performing intercourse with each other, or performing oral/genital contact with each other. This kind of play would be a very strong indicator that the child has been sexually abused.
 Another thing that happens in abused children is that they start sexually "acting out", for example excessive masturbation( it is a fact that most normal young children masturbate, though differently than adults, even though it may come as a surprise to most readers), but in abused children  this masturbation becomes excessive or they start  trying to touch other children's private parts.

You did not clearly mention at what age were you exhibiting this kind of play, and what specifically was the content of your play?

Some children don't consciously remember or erase the painful memory of abuse from their system by using a mechanism called "repression". The result is that even though they can't remember the actual abuse, but nonetheless, they continue to experience the long term effects of abuse well into their adult life.



sidra1 Group: Members  Joined: 05th Nov, 2011  Topic: 7  Post: 171  Age:  29  
Posted on:9th Nov 2011, 12:55pm
 

psydoc

i was about in age 6 to 7 i was in 2nd grade. i use to play with dolls as if they r kissing each other and doing sex and i am masturbating from age 6 to 7. i do feel like odd i do not have much friends just 2,3 and they r not my fast friends i do not share my feelings with anyone ,never made friends in school i have my virtual friends although in which one virtual friend sexually abuse another friend. i feel like i can not keep good relations i start mistrusting my friends then i fight with them alot then they leave me n i keep teasing them
psychdoc Group: Members  Joined: 04th Mar, 2011  Topic: 11  Post: 1228  Age:  33  
Posted on:9th Nov 2011, 1:41pm
 

Sidra1:


Playing with dolls like they are doing sex at age 6 or 7 is not normal behavior. The children who exhibit similar behaviors point towards one of two possibilities: either they themselves were sexually abused, or they witnessed or saw someone performing sexual intercourse ( which is also considered a traumatic event for the child). In any case it is abnormal.

It also appears that you struggle with trust issues. If a child's basic emotional needs like nurturance etc are not met properly, then they start to see the world as a hostile and unsafe place and have a hard time trusting others.

You did mention about having virtual friends. With virtual, did you mean imaginary friends, or did you mean cyber friends?
sidra1 Group: Members  Joined: 05th Nov, 2011  Topic: 7  Post: 171  Age:  29  
Posted on:9th Nov 2011, 11:12pm
 

psychdoc

imaginary friends. but i do not remember any thing. a teacher recently told me that i am gay and he will cure it but as time passes by i felt that he is abusing me so i fought with him but he remained silent i still feel like he was playing with me saying that its a treatment. i do not know how can i start trusting people after that teacher i do not feel comfortable in making new friends if someone try i ask them to keep distance just do discussions on work i do not go to parties with my colleagues and that teacher said he wants to cut off my head.
psychdoc Group: Members  Joined: 04th Mar, 2011  Topic: 11  Post: 1228  Age:  33  
Posted on:10th Nov 2011, 2:13pm
 

sidra 1:

Having imaginary friends is pretty much normal in childhood, but not in someone your age. It is possible that you have created these imaginary friends in an attempt to compensate for having lack of real life friends and social isolation, and to help you with your inner feelings of emptiness and loneliness, and lack of trust.

The teacher incident that you mentioned, is it something more recent? And why in the world would he want to cut your head off?
You are sharing your information in bits and pieces, which makes it hard to assess what's going on. If you can discuss your situation in more detail, then I would be able to give you a more clear answer.
sidra1 Group: Members  Joined: 05th Nov, 2011  Topic: 7  Post: 171  Age:  29  
Posted on:11th Nov 2011, 12:54am
 

ok i try

that teacher know i masturbate he said he is helping me out i have to trust him firstly but i never trusted him i tried but i could not trust. he talked about sexual relations about marriages about intercourse n we did imaginary sex but i never enjoyed it i wanted to get back my friend and talk to her live with her i wanted her in my life. he said we will do this imaginary stuff in real not sex just before it. he said this was treatment when asked me to visit him when i have periods. i went there he kissed me which made me upset then he forcefully dropped me at my home and on our way he said he wants to masturbate i hated it after that i tried to get a part from him i told him i do not like all that all i want is a friend not a boy friend. he said i am gay i played with my friend in university. he was so angry at me he said he want to cut off my head. after that i never visited him but when flash backs come they hurt me n i start abusing him via msgs. recently his wife read few msgs of mine n he threat me that he will tell every one that i am gay. i do not want to talk to him but when things hurt me i start abusing him
psychdoc Group: Members  Joined: 04th Mar, 2011  Topic: 11  Post: 1228  Age:  33  
Posted on:11th Nov 2011, 6:19am
 

Sidra 1:


It appears to me that this teacher of yours was exactly the kind of person that I had described as "Wolf In Sheep's Clothing". He was apparantely trying to "help"you, and wanted to gain your trust, but in reality his motives were different. All he wanted to do was to get into your pants. And when you did not go along with what he wanted, then he started showing his true colors.

Regarding homosexuality, even though it is not related directly to the topic of this thread, but I still want to mention a couple of things. As you may know it is frowned upon by religion and by the society at large. I don't know how long you had this problem and whether you want to continue to live your life like that, but there is a form of therapy available, that is sometimes helpful. It is called "reorientation therapy". But I don't know if you can find an expert of that in Pakistan.
sidra1 Group: Members  Joined: 05th Nov, 2011  Topic: 7  Post: 171  Age:  29  
Posted on:11th Nov 2011, 7:51am
 

ok

ok i do not want to be called gay but i owned that i am gay. but i will marry as soon as my parents decide so bcoz i do not want to ruin some one else life may be with time i forget my friend as now only hatred exist between us. thanks for guidance and help thanks a lot.
sidra1 Group: Members  Joined: 05th Nov, 2011  Topic: 7  Post: 171  Age:  29  
Posted on:12th Nov 2011, 8:57am
 

one more question

can i recall that part i mean is it possible to recall it because i want to know i still do not believe i want to know who did what. is this possible?
psychdoc Group: Members  Joined: 04th Mar, 2011  Topic: 11  Post: 1228  Age:  33  
Posted on:12th Nov 2011, 6:03pm
 

Sidra 1:

Yes, it is possible to uncover repressed memories. However, you have to keep in mind that these memories were repressed ( hidden from awareness) because of one major reason: That the content of these memories is painful to our psyche and in order to protect ourselves from this pain the brain hides these memories ( repression)from our conscious awareness, so that we do not experience the pain associated with these memories. If these memories get uncovered, it will cause a lot of anxiety and unpleasant feelings, atleast initially.

sidra1 Group: Members  Joined: 05th Nov, 2011  Topic: 7  Post: 171  Age:  29  
Posted on:13th Nov 2011, 1:05am
 

psychdoc

but i am upset now i think all people who were around me at that years are responsible i doubt my own relatives i can not live this way may be it had never happened? this is a possibility too. right?
sidra1 Group: Members  Joined: 05th Nov, 2011  Topic: 7  Post: 171  Age:  29  
Posted on:13th Nov 2011, 9:00am
 

doc

one more question although its not the right place 4 it but how can i start trusting people? n how can i get rid of bad memories which keep coming back to me when ever i am alone especially just before sleep.
psychdoc Group: Members  Joined: 04th Mar, 2011  Topic: 11  Post: 1228  Age:  33  
Posted on:13th Nov 2011, 9:41pm
 

Sidra !:


Yes, it is possible that maybe nothing had happened.

Even though sexual play with dolls is a strong indicator of sexual abuse, but several other factors also need to be considered. How about the change in mood and personality, sleep disturbance, nightmares and flashbacks etc etc that I had mentioned in the article. Have you had any of those?

Regarding trust, it would take time. You haven't reached your current state overnight, and it's not going to change overnight either. It would require a major change in your way of thinking, before you could see results.

From whatever little you have told me about yourself, it appears to me that you are scared and somewhat confused about your own sexual orientation, and you have a hard time getting in touch with your true feelings, which makes it difficult for you to ascertain what you truly want in your life. And because of this, you may have developed chronic feelings of emptiness, like something big is missing from your life. Ofcourse this is just my personal opinion and I could be very wrong.

Regarding bad memories, before I answer your question, can you describe in detail what bad memories are you talking about?
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