Meri koshish hai keh iss article ka zarya mein parents ko childhood sexual abuse ka warning signs ka baaray mein educate karoon takeh agar khuda na khuwasta unka bachaa is ghinaoni cheez ka shikar ho raha hai to woh early stages par he samajh jaian keh unka bachaay kay saath kuch ghalat ho raha hai, kiyonka zyada tar bachaa apna barroon ko iss baaray mein kuch nahin batatay, guilt aur darr/khoff ke wajah say.
Sab say pehlay mein childhood sexual abuse ka baaray mein kuch misconceptions ( ghalat fahmian) door karna chahoon gaa.
Common misconceptions about sexual abuse of children:
1). Bohat say parents yeh samajhta hain keh childhood abuse zyada tar strangers kartay hain. Haqeeqat yeh hai keh abuse kay majority of cases mein abuser koi stranger nahin hota balkeh koi qareebi relative, family friend, teacher ya even close family member ( father, brother etc) bhee ho sakta hai.
2). Aik aur ghalat fehmi yeh hai keh abuse ka shikaar sirf girls hoti hain. Fact yeh hai keh boys bhee sexual abuse ka shikaar ho saktay hain, balkeh hota hain.
3). Aam khayal yeh hai keh sexual abuse sirf males kartay hain, magar haqeeqat yeh hai keh bohat say cases mein sexual abuse karnay waala person koi male nahin balkeh female hoti hai.
4). Aksar parents yeh samajhta hain keh agar unka bachaay ka saath kisi nay kuch ghalat kiya to woh aa kar apna parents ko bataa dai gaa, jabkeh fact yeh hai keh abuse ka shikaar bachoon ke majority yeh jaannay ka bawajood keh unka saath kisi nay kuch ghalat kiya hai, kisi ko iska baaray mein kuch nahin batatay. Iski kai reasons hain. For example abuse karna waala person bachaa kay dil mein yeh baat daal daita hai keh yeh jo ghalat kaam bachaa kay saath kiya jaa raha hai iss mein asal qusoor bachaa ka he hai. Is liya guilt ke feelings ke wajah say bachaa apna moonh nahin kholta. Aksar abuser bachaa ko darra dhamka bhee daita hain keh agar kisi say kuch kaha to tumhain maar dain gay etc etc. ya phir yeh bhee keh diya jaata hai keh agar tum nay kisi say iss baray mein kuch kaha to koi tumhari baat par yaqeen nahin kara gaa.
5). Yeh misconception bhee door kar laina chaya keh sexual abuse sirf sexual intercourse ko hee kehta hain. Sexual abuse kae different types ka hota hai, maslan touching, rubbing, kissing, apna aap ko bachay kay saamna expose kar daina ( naked ho jaana), ya bachoon kay saamnay sexual baatain karna. Aik aur common sexual abuse "grooming" kehlata hai, jis mein bachay ko emotionally apna qareeb kiya jaata hai, usko friend banaya jaata hai takeh bachaa trust karnay lagay aur phir jab trust develop ho jaata hai to phir sexual abuse start kar diya jaata hai. Yaani grooming say bachaa ko sexual abuse kay liya prepare kiya jaata hai.
6). Aik bohat common misconception yeh hai keh agar abuse ka waqt bachaa 2-3 years old hai to usko choonkeh sexual matters ka baaray mein kuch nahin patah hota to aisa bachaa par abuse kay koi long term effects nahin hon gay. Haqeeqat yeh hai keh is age mein bhee bachay kay ander atleast itni mental capacity hoti hay keh who yeh jaan laita hai keh uska saath kuch ghalat kiya jaa raha, aur iss age kay bachaaa par bhee sexual abuse kay long term effects hota hain. Aisa bachaay sexual abuse ka baad aam tor par apna toys for examples dolls waghiara say is andaaz mein khailna lagta hain jaisa dolls apas mein sexual intercourse waghaira kar rahi hon. Normal bachha iss age mein apna toys say aisa nahin khailtay.
Chalain ab yeh discuss kartay hain keh who kaya warning signs ya red flags hain jo agar aap apnay bachaay mein daikhain to iss baat ke possibility hai keh aap ka bachaa sexual abuse ka shikaar ho raha hai.
1).Change in mood and personality: Agar aap feel karain keh aap ka bachaa apna normal behavior say different act kar raha hai, for example aik friendly aur outgoing bachaa bilkul chup aur khamosh rehna laga hai to yeh sexual abuse ka sign bhee ho sakta hai.
2).Sleep problems: Agar aap ka bachaa jo pehlay normal sota thaa, agar ab uss bachaa ko frequent nightmares aanay lagay hai aur who sota mein darnay laga hai to bhee sexual abuse ke possibility consider karni chahya.
3). Frequent bedwetting: Yeh aik bohat important warning sign hai childhood sexual abuse ka.
4). Frequent urinary tract infections aur constipation: Agar aap ka bachaay ko frequent urinary tract infections ho rahe hain ya baar baar constipation develop ho rahe hai to yeh sexual abuse ke wajah say bhee ho sakta hai.
5). Frequent tummy aches: Agar aap ka bachaa bar bar pait mein dard waghaira ke shikayat kar raha hai magar doctors kay mutabiq sab kuch theek hai, to bhee sexual abuse ke possibility consider karna chahya.
6). Feeling uncomfortable around one particular adult: Agar ap notice karain keh aap ka bachaa kisi khas adult ke company mein uncomfortable rehna laga hai to yeh bhee aik red flag hai.
7). Warning Sign: Agar aap daikhain ke koi adult aap ka bachaay say kuch zyada he close hai, aur bacha ka saath akalay time guzarnay ke possibilities ke tallash mein rehata hai to as a parent, aap ko mohtaat rehna chaya.
8). Child's Play: Agar koi choota bachaa ( 2-3 years old) apni dolls say aisa khailna laga jaisa dolls sexual intercourse kar rahe hon to yeh aik bohat strong indication hai keh bachaa ko kisi nay abuse kiya hai.
Agar khuda na khuwasta aap ka bachaa sexual abuse ka shikaar hoa hai to iss abuse ke wajah say uski personality par bohat he kharab aasraat parain gay. Aisa bachon ke aksariat shadeed emotional problems ka shikaar ho jaati hai, jiski wajah say unki studies bhee effected hoti hain, relationships bhee effected hoti hain ( for example aaga chal kar after marriage problems), aur aisa bachaa aksar apna full potential reach karna mein nakaam rehta hain.
Aaian daikhta hain keh sexual abuse kay aap ka bachaa ke personality par kya long term effects parain gay:
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder ( PTSD): PTSD aik psychiatric illness hai jo un logon mein develop hoti hai jinhain abuse kiya gaya ho, ya jinhoon nay koi bohat barra haadsa waghaira daikha ho ya un ka saath koi barra hadsaa paish aaya ho. PTSD mein extreme anxiety kay symptoms develop hota hain, misaal kay tor par raat ko sota hoa nightmares aana jiski wajah say bachaa itna darr jaata hai keh raat ko sahih say so bhee nahin sakta. Iska saath saath flashbacks kay symptoms bhee hota hain, jin mein bachaa kay zehan mein baar baar abuse waali situation replay ho rahi hota hai aur bachaa iski wajah say itna anxious ho jaata hai keh uski studies waghaira effect hona lagtee hain. Iska saath rapid heartbeat aur shakiness bhee develop ho jaati hai. Agar bachaa ka saamna kisi aisa person say ho jae jiski shakal abuser say milti julti ho to bachaa us person say bhee intihai khoofzada ho jaata hai. Agar proper treatment nah kiya jae to PTSD kay symptoms even adult life mein bhee peecha nahin chorta aur life aik living hell ban jaati hai.
Depression: Sexual abuse ke aik aur complication depression ke shakal mein saamna aati hai. Depression ke wajah say bachay ke sleep effect hoti hai, uski appetite kam ho jaati hai, bachaa tired feel karta hai, aksar crying episodes hota hain, bachaa ka apni pasandeeda activities mein interest kam ho jaata hai, apna friends say door door rehna lagta hai, uski studies effect hona lagte hain, aur who mayos aur hopeless feel karna lagta hai, aur kabhee kabhaar to even suicide ka khayalaat bhee aanay lagtay hain. PTSD ke tarah deprssion ka bhee proper treatment bohat zaroori hai.
Anger problems: Aksar bachaa jo sexually abuse kiya gae hon, un mein extreme aggressio aur anger problems develop ho jaati hain, jinki wajah say bachaa aksar doosra bachoon ko hit karnay lagta hai ya cheezain waghaira throw karna ya break karna lagta hai.
Abnormal sexual behavior: Unfortunately, kuch bachaa jinko sexually abused kiya gaya ho, un mein say kuch bachaay aagay chal kar khud abuser ban jaatay hain, yaani doosray bachoon ko sexually abuse karna lagta hain. Ya doosra lafzon mein yoon samajh lain keh adult sexual abusers ke aik barri taadad aisa hai jinhain unka bachpan mein khud kisi nay abuse kiya thaa.
Medical complications: Emotion problems ka saath saath sexual abuse ke bohat se medical complications bhee hote hain. Aisa bachoon mein frequent urinary tract infections aur constipation kay symptoms develop ho jaatay hain. Iska illawah genital organs ( vagina, penis) aur rectum/anus ke injuries bhee bohat common hain. Aik aur barra risk sexually transmitted diseases ka hai, for example chlamydia infection, gonnorhea, hepatitis B, herpes, syphlis , aur even HIV ya AIDS.
Parents role: Childhood sexual abuse aik bohat common problem hai, aur unfortunately koi bhee bachaa iska shikaar ho sakta hai. Magar khushi ke baat yeh hai keh bohat se aise baatain hain keh agar parents unpar amal karain to woh apna bachaa ko is laanat say bachaana mein aham kirdaar ada kar sakta hain. Aaian daikhta hain keh who kaya baatain hain jo as a parent, unkay bachoon ke safety ka liya bohat important hain.
Good touch/Bad touch: Choti umar say hee bachon ko good touch aur bad touch ka difference samjhain. Iski aasan example yeh hai keh bachaa ko samjhaian keh jab koi hamari body ko touch karta hai to hamare ander different types ke feelings develop hoti hain. Kuch touches aisa hota hain jinsay hamara ander khushi aur itmeenan ke feelings develop hoti hain, for example agar parenst pyaar say sar par haath phairain ya hug karain waghira. Magar kuch touches aisa hota hain jinki wajah say ham uncomfortable aur uneasy feel kartay hain, for example agar koi hamaray sexual organs ko touch karay, ya phir inappropriately kiss waghaira karay. Bachaa ko samjhaian keh yeh bad touch kaha jae gaa aur agar kabhee koi unko bad touch karay, chahay who koi bhee ho, foran apna parents ko aa kar batain.
Iska illawah jaisa keh mein nay ooper discuss kiya keh childhood sexual abuse kay baaray mein apnay misconceptions ko door karain, aur childhood sexual abuse kay warning signs aur red flags ko hamesha apna zehan mein rakhain. Iska saath saath apna bachoon ko properly supervise karain, khas tor par un situations mein jin mein koi non family member bachay kay saath alone ho.
Parents ka liya zaroori hai keh unki relationship apna bachoon ke saath aisi ho keh bachaa har baat confidently apna parents ka saath share kar sakay. Magar unfortunately, bohat say parents apna bachon ka dil mein apna dar aur khof iss had tak bithaa daitay hain keh bachaa unsay kuch bhee kehta hoa ya share kartay hoa darta hai. Apna bachon kay dil mein yeh baat bithaa dain keh woh har baat apna parents say discuss kar sakain, bila kisi dar aur khof kay.
Closing Statements:
Iss article mein main nay jo kuch kaha hay uss say yeh andaaza nah lagaya jae keh parents ko har shaks par shuk kurna start kar daina chahya. Zyada tar log achee nature ka hota hain, magar kuch log aisa bhee hota hain jo bazahir achhaay nazar aatay hain magar haqeeqat mein yeh log woh hota hain jinhain English mein "Wolf in sheep's clothing" yaani bhairr ke khaal mein bhairyaa kaha jaata hai. Parents say guzarish hai keh aisa he bhairyoon say apna bachoon ko bachain.
I hope keh iss article ko parrh kar parents kay ander childhood sexual abuse kay baaray mein awareness develop ho gee. Agar 1% parents bhee is article ko parrh kar apna bachoon ko sexual abuse say protect kar sakain to mein samjhon gaa keh mein apni iss koshish mein kamyaab raha.
Please also read my other article on a related subject: