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Spogmy |
Group: Members Joined: 26th Nov, 2012 Topic: 1 Post: 10 Age:
24
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| Posted on:26th Nov 2012, 8:12am |
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 Should I Trυst My Husbαnd?
Assalam.u.Alaikum sisters and brothers,
Im 22 yr old female an my husband is 26 and lives in Canada. Hamara 8 months pehlay nikkah hua masha'Allah se. Ham log kabhi milay nahi bas unki mother liked me and proposed. Hamari mothers ne 1 monh ham dono ki messages per baat kerai or after a month he came to Pak and nikkah ho gaya. He is extremely loving, understanding and caring masha'Allah.
Kher few months back we exchanged our fb passwords. Out of curiousity i opened his fb msgs and started reading old msgs. Mujhe pata chala k 2009 ma aik larki ne inko fb k thru approach kia tha jo k inki uni ma junior thi. Kher wo in k uni hostel k room ma jaati or ye log kissing waghaera kertay, us larki ne in k saath oral sex bhi kia or her cheez ye log fb k msgs ler discuss kertay. Jab us larki ne inhay intercourse ka kaha to inho ne usay mana ker diya k ye baat theek nahi. Kher jab ye hua to inka break up ho gaya after only a month of relationship and wo larki kahin chali gai. I felt shattered after reading that k meray husband k private parts ko kisi or ne dekha hua hai and that he has kissed a girl :( ma kuch din baad normal ho gai magar husband ko nahi bataya k i know everything. Kuch din baad inho ne wo conversation delete ker di shaed dair se khyaal aaya or ma bhi aise hi show kerti hun k mujhe kuch nahi pata taakay wo embarrass na hon.
Kher kuch din pehlay mujhe usi larki ka msg aya k wo meray husband ki purani friend hai and mujhe frnds request bheji. Jab ma ne apnay husband ko check kernay k liye un se poocha to wo panick ma aa gae or usay meri profile se block ker diya or kehnay lagay k wo pagal larki hai uni ma inko pasand kerti thi or jealous hai k ab tum meray saath ho and uski shaadi bhi ho gai hai uski or bacha bhi hai phir bhi msg kerti hai she missed him etc jab me ne pucha k block kyun kia to kehtay hain k wo un k baaray ajeeb baaten kerti that he loved him that is totally disgusting and that he detests her etc and he has blocked her from his account as well and kaha k jab ham milen ge to wo mujhe sab kuch btaen ge but she is nothing for him.
Us k baad abhi kuch din pehlay mujhe aik doosray account se ussi larki ka msg aaya k usko meray husband ne unblock ker diya hai or wo dost hain to ma bhi usay unblock karun taakay wo mujhe purani stories sunae friendship ki.
Mujhe shadeed ghussa aaya or apnay husband ko parhwaaya and when i asked him k unblock kyun kia or baat kyun ki to qasam kha ker kaha k unho ne unblock nahi kia and kaha k haan us larki ne dobaara unhay msgs kerna shuru kiye to aik achi intention se unho me usay samjhaanay k liye reply kia k ab shaadi ho gai etc but wo unhe blackmail ker rahi thi k saari chat tumari beewi ko bhejun gi to unho ne usay achi khaasi suna ker dobara block ker diya or ye bhi accept ker liya k haan wo unki gf thi but wo bohat bari ghalti thi kuch mahinay ki 2009 ma or us waqt chotay the etc.
ma ne inhay ye clearly keh diya k ab mujhe koi baat kisi third person na pata chalay to inho ne ye bhi bataya k last yr jab wo vacations per aaye hue the pakistan to wo bhi aayi to as friends wo usay airport puck and drop kernay gae and when i asked if he was in relationship to he said k nahi sirf friends the us waqt but she was interested to unho ne usay samjha diya k wo dono alag mindset k hain phir he told me k nikkah k kuch din baad uski mail aayi thi k she got married and uska baby bhi honay wala hai and that he gave her his blessings etc and pata nahi ab kyun life khrab ker rahi hai.. Unho ne meri fb mag settings per privacy laga di amd apni per bhi or mujh se maafi maangi and promiswd me that he will never talk to her even in his worst nightmares.
After a day of that incident i started getting emails from unknown id jis ma us larki ki or inki pictures or poori poori emails per baaten thin of last year. I was shocked to know that after they broke up in 2009 mu husband tried to contct her theough emails in 2010 as well and 2011 ma dobara inka relationship start hua an beech ma aik do dafa milay bhi. Jab wo vacations per pakistan aae to wo larki bhi parhai k silsilay ma aayi or us se continues miltay rahay, usay airport bhi lenay gae or last year Pakistan ki hi pictures bhi thin jin ma ye dono gaari ma hain front seats per or wo beghairat larki in k saath chipki hui hai or inho be usay hug kia hua hai.. Ye last year august ki baat hai phir october tak meray husband pak ma vacations per the and back to canada tab shaed in ka breakup hua jaanay se pehlay.
Meray husband throughout yahi show kertay rahay k wo bohat innocent the halaankay dobara relationship injo ne start kia magar is dafa aisi koi harkat nahi ki oral sex etc.
Nikkah k kuch months baad inhay uski mail aayi and us ne bataya k uski shaadi hogai to inho ne us se aakhri dafa as friends milnay ko kaha and kaha k wo isay pick ker len ge etc coz kuch baaten share kerni hain wo larki wapis canada jaa chuki thi. Magar us larki ne inhay dinner ka invitation diya with her husband jis k reply ma he said k it would be really awkward and that he wanted to tell her k inka nikkah ho gaya hai to ab wo apni wife k saath dinner per aaen ge.
Phir koi contact nahi hua dono ka. Ab mujhe jo bhi ye emails kerta hai he/she told me that fb per msgs wo kerta hai not that girl and he calls her bitch and isi ne us larki ki fake id banai hai, kehta hai k he wants me to know wverything which happened between my husband and that girl and meray baad us larki k husband ko sab bhejay ga. Mujhe apnay husband per ab trust nahi raha. Ma ne inhay emails ka nahi bataya coz last time he said k mian beewi k beech parda hona chahye kuch baatun ka and wo bohat embarrass feel ker rahay hain or isi liye mujhe nahi bataya tha taakay meri nazrun ma unki izzat kam na ho or ye k wo apni hi nazrun ma gir gae hain and jab ham miltay to wo mujhe sab khud hi bata detay. We have never talked about sex and stuff general baaten hoti hain hamari to we are not that open regarding this topic.
Bas mujhe ander se yahi cheez khaati hai k jab ma ne poori life aik insaan ka intazaar kia apnay nafs per qaabu kia to Allah ne mujhe aisa insaan kyun diya jisay kisi or ne bhi dekha hua hai or private parts ko touch kia hua ho. Kia mera reaction theek hai? Im really depressed now a days. Ma apnay husband k saath to normal hun magar dil ma trust nahi raha. Honest advise den please.
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Spogmy |
Group: Members Joined: 26th Nov, 2012 Topic: 1 Post: 10 Age:
24
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| Posted on:26th Nov 2012, 8:33am |
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A tiny detail
I know this post is very long but I couldnt share this with anyone at home or with friends coz meray husband ka bura impression parta. It was killing me from inside. Found this forum so posted here. Sorry agar aap log bore ho jaen to.. And yeah i forgot to mention that my husband told me himself after our nikah abt his girlfriends jo canada jaanay se pehlay thin and jab ma ne poocha tha k canada ma koi thi to he said no and now when i asked him k us waqt kyun jhoot bola to kehtay hain k mai der gaya tha k tumari nazrun ma gir jaun ga or tum dil se respect nahi karo gi.
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goodman |
Group: Members Joined: 11th Oct, 2007 Topic: 59 Post: 7344 Age:
32
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| Blocked |
| Posted on:26th Nov 2012, 9:08am |
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spogmy ab ap ka nikah to howa ha...kiya ap apna NIKAH break up kerna kerna chati hoo |
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Spogmy |
Group: Members Joined: 26th Nov, 2012 Topic: 1 Post: 10 Age:
24
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| Posted on:26th Nov 2012, 9:23am |
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Goodman I can never even think of this. I love him to death bas ye puchna chah rahi hun k jo ghussa or depression meray ander bhara hua hai wo jaiz hai ya nahi and should i trust him again? |
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WellKnOwN |
Group: Members Joined: 06th Sep, 2011 Topic: 48 Post: 3378 Age:
23
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| Posted on:26th Nov 2012, 11:08pm |
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spogmai/moon 1) Pehli baat ye ke apka ghussa theek jage pe hai kiyo ke koi bi ye bardasht nahe karta.
2) Apko osse trust karna chaye kiyo ke age saari life baaqi hai.
3) Ye ghaltiya 100% youngsters mai se 80% ye sab karte hai boys and girls dono college etc life mai. to ye har kissi se hota hai. app onse kahiye ke next time dont do it.
4) App apne app ko itna bara mat samjo ke mujhe Allah pak ne.essa kiyo diya? baaz logo ke sath kuch or hota hai, Allah se dua karlo or ye sab Allah ka paisha tha.
5) ek muslim larki ko ye sab nahe karna chaye such as fb etc. agar mails etc ki zaroorat hoto oss ke liye other mail servers maujood hai.
6) app bi to fb use karti thi agar app se kuch iss tarah hota to app ke pass kiya choice hota??
shayed osse apni.ghalti pe pachtawa hochuka hoo or aenda iss tarah na kare. agar app oss par trust karti bi nahe to apko karna hi parega kiyo abi sirf shorwat hai or baaqi saari life apka ossi se guzarni hai. hope u get thr answer |
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Spogmy |
Group: Members Joined: 26th Nov, 2012 Topic: 1 Post: 10 Age:
24
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| Posted on:26th Nov 2012, 11:21pm |
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Wellknown JazakAllah for your reply. Meray husband ma nikkah k baad se mujhe koi burai nahi nazar aayi. Hadh to ye hai k wo larki musalmaan thi or Allah jaanta hai k kesay koi larki na mehram k saath ye sab ker sakti hai. Meray paas shaed ab trust kernay or unhay maaf kernay k ilawa koi option bhi nahi hai.. Kia mai apnay husband ko in emails k baaray ma btaun? Kia ma unhay ye btaun k mujhe sab pata hai un k past k baaray ma? Kia ma ye btaun k jo larki unhay ab fb per msgs kerti thi wo fake id thi and unki ex gf nahi thi? I was thinking k jab wo Pak aaen to ma in person un se saari baat karun but ab sochti hun unhay maaf ker k aagay barhun baghair unhe btae taakay wo mazeed sharminda na hon.. Unho ne maafi bhi maang li or nikkah k baad to aisi koi harkat nahi ki Alhamdulillah bas unhay ye nahi pata k mujhe sab kuch pata hai. Aik baat ka fakhar hai muje k unho ne us larki ko khud extreme hadh tak pohnchnay se mana kia werna larkay thay kuch bhi ker letay..Aap ka aakhri sawaal nahi samaj aaya mujhe. |
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Spogmy |
Group: Members Joined: 26th Nov, 2012 Topic: 1 Post: 10 Age:
24
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| Posted on:26th Nov 2012, 11:26pm |
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Wellknown JazakAllah for your reply. Meray husband ma nikkah k baad se mujhe koi burai nahi nazar aayi. Hadh to ye hai k wo larki musalmaan thi or Allah jaanta hai k kesay koi larki na mehram k saath ye sab ker sakti hai. Meray paas shaed ab trust kernay or unhay maaf kernay k ilawa koi option bhi nahi hai.. Kia mai apnay husband ko in emails k baaray ma btaun? Kia ma unhay ye btaun k mujhe sab pata hai un k past k baaray ma? Kia ma ye btaun k jo larki unhay ab fb per msgs kerti thi wo fake id thi and unki ex gf nahi thi? I was thinking k jab wo Pak aaen to ma in person un se saari baat karun but ab sochti hun unhay maaf ker k aagay barhun baghair unhe btae taakay wo mazeed sharminda na hon.. Unho ne maafi bhi maang li or nikkah k baad to aisi koi harkat nahi ki Alhamdulillah bas unhay ye nahi pata k mujhe sab kuch pata hai. Aik baat ka fakhar hai muje k unho ne us larki ko khud extreme hadh tak pohnchnay se mana kia werna larkay thay kuch bhi ker letay..Aap ka aakhri sawaal nahi samaj aaya mujhe. |
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H/dr_Qasim |
Group: Members Joined: 10th Sep, 2010 Topic: 184 Post: 6350 Age:
35
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| Posted on:26th Nov 2012, 11:45pm |
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Spogmy Ap oski past life or osky affirse ko chorain woh oska musla hay or gonah or hisab kitam osky zima hay ap as wife osky sath thek raho , Allah ki azmaysh hoti hay ap apni turaf sy theek raho hum ko nahi puta hota k Allah ny Humary Leyeh kis bat kis kam meah Khair rukh chori hay always think positive wish you good luck
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WellKnOwN |
Group: Members Joined: 06th Sep, 2011 Topic: 48 Post: 3378 Age:
23
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| Posted on:26th Nov 2012, 12:23pm |
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Spgmay Gee nahe apko osski past ko bhool jaye or naye life ka shorwat karle or iss tarah apne app ko prepare kara lo ke app ne kuch suna hi nahe or oss ne kuch kiya hai. jab ke oss ne maafi bi maangli.
Aakhri sawal ye tha ke agar app ne kissi larke ke sath relation rakha hota to app kiya karti?? or apke husband ko sab pata chal chuka hota.
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Spogmy |
Group: Members Joined: 26th Nov, 2012 Topic: 1 Post: 10 Age:
24
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| Posted on:26th Nov 2012, 12:45pm |
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Wellknown and Dr Qasim JazakAllah you both for your replies. I will try hard to forget what happened and never disclose in front of him that i knew everything.
Wellknown, meri school life and college life ma mujhe bhi bohat larkun ne affairs ki offer kin but kyun k meri values Alhamdulillah bohat strong hain to kabhi in chakkarun ma nahi phansi or hamesha apni amma ko apna best friend banaya Alhamdulillah to kabhi koi pareshaani bhi nahi hui. Is sab k baad depression ma yahi sochti k kaash mera bhi koi affair hota taakay meray husband ko pata chalta to wo ussi aziyat se guzertay jis se ma guzer rahi hun but then Alhamdulillah ye shaitaani khyaal khatam hua or socha k dunya k liye apnay Allah ko nakhush kesi kerti and Allah ka bohat shuker kiya. Bas Allah ham sab ko naik tofeeq de. Aameen.
Mai apnay husband k saamnay bilkul anjaan bani rahun na? I love him 100% from my heart bas waqt k saath trust bhi inshaaAllah regain ho jae ga. |
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H/dr_Qasim |
Group: Members Joined: 10th Sep, 2010 Topic: 184 Post: 6350 Age:
35
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| Posted on:26th Nov 2012, 2:09pm |
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Spogmy Bilkol ap anjaab buni raho or aap oski jasoosi bhe chor dao , woh kehty hen na kay purakhna mut purakhny say koi apna apna nahi rehta
ess leyeh ap yeh dakho jin girls ko woh like kurta hy on meah keya khas bat hy ap woh koch kod bun jao achi dressing rukho apni husband ky leyeh tiyar raho or osky peechy bilkol nahi bhago , lakin furma burburdar bhe rahi or apny huqoq o furayz be pory kuro or Allah say dua kuro ,
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Spogmy |
Group: Members Joined: 26th Nov, 2012 Topic: 1 Post: 10 Age:
24
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| Posted on:26th Nov 2012, 2:27pm |
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Dr. Qasim He doesn't like any girl now whatever it was wo nikkah se pehlay tha last year tak. Unho ne khud kaha k he had girl friends but he got to know the meaning of love after nikkah. Alhamdulillah he is not that type of guy jo extra marital affairs rakhen bas wohi aik larki thi jo chipak gai thi.
I dont have words to thank you brother for your advise! I will surely follow it. And ma ne jaasoosi to aik hi dafa ki thi :( baaqi to sab khud hi pata lagta gaya.. Aik or problem hai im sorry but is per bhi advise karen pleass k jab first time mujhe in k past ka pata chala tha jo bhi us larki or inho ne kia tha 2009 mai to for two days i hated him or mujh se sahi se baat nahi ho rahi thi to ye bohat pareshaan ho gae the and asked me reason i didnt tell him he insisted and asked me k kia kabhi unho ne mujh se jhoot bola or apni qasam di to ma ne kaha haan and when he asked kia to i didnt tell jis per wo bohat pareshaan or naraaz ho gae to ma ne in se yahi kaha k inshaaAllah jab Pakistan aaen ge or ham milen ge to mai btaun gi. Ab jab inshaaAllah wo aaen ge to mujh se poochen ge to ma Kia btaun gi k aisa konsa jhoot tha jis meri haalat itni khraab ho gai thi? :s |
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goodman |
Group: Members Joined: 11th Oct, 2007 Topic: 59 Post: 7344 Age:
32
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| Blocked |
| Posted on:26th Nov 2012, 9:30pm |
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spogmy u do not need to worry and take tension....many mens like many womens after marriage also...u do not worry about your husband life? |
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myrizvi |
Group: Members Joined: 20th Apr, 2008 Topic: 111 Post: 6482 Age:
54
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| Posted on:26th Nov 2012, 11:36pm |
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Jazak Allah wellknown n others nice replies n advises. Allah ap sab ko jaza e khair day aur spogmy ko mushkilaat ko asaan karay aur onhaiN aik porsakoon azdwaji zindagi ataa karay aameen
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alirajput |
Group: Members Joined: 16th Mar, 2012 Topic: 5 Post: 538 Age:
30
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| Posted on:29th Nov 2012, 5:09pm |
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Spogmy
After reading your very long posts, I did agree with above replies of other members such as Dr. Qasim and WellKnOwN, however I did also wanted to add, that relationship of marriage is a very sacred and special bond. Most of it is based on trust. What was the past? Tomorrow will also remaiN the past. So your present and your future is yours, if you choose that trusts between you both should and will prevail. Being truthful to your husband about what you know is also good, as it keeps him in "check and balances" regarding things he does. But letting him know that you forgive him because that was his past is most important to your both love and understanding. Its also important for your trust to work. I hope this message finds you in the best health and emaan. |
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wolfie |
Group: Members Joined: 02nd Dec, 2012 Topic: 0 Post: 6 Age:
17
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| Posted on:3rd Dec 2012, 8:21am |
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 Spogmy
All he had was oral sex. And now he knows he is married and is taking his new relationship serious. I am not saying that he won't do it again. He might cheat on you in the future...who knows! But you should give him a benefit of doubt at least for now. A married friend of mine regularly has sex with random women all the time. You should be glad you are not married to someone like him. |
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Spogmy |
Group: Members Joined: 26th Nov, 2012 Topic: 1 Post: 10 Age:
24
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| Posted on:4th Dec 2012, 6:56pm |
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alirajput JazakAllah for your kind and sincere advise. It's just that I have forgiven him in my heart. You are right whats gone is gone and its all past. I do trust that he won't cheat on me again inshaa'Allah as he is a sincere guy and rejected that girl's offer a lot of times. I am thankful to Allah. I just don't want him to know that I know everything because wo mujh se kabhi nazren nahi mila saken ge. When he told me about his relationship with her us per hi, he said k ma apni nazrun ma hi gir gaya hun tumaray saamnay. I just want him to live with dignity in front of me not with embarrassed and guilty heart. Suggest me if im wrong please. JazakAllah again :) |
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Spogmy |
Group: Members Joined: 26th Nov, 2012 Topic: 1 Post: 10 Age:
24
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| Posted on:4th Dec 2012, 7:06pm |
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wolfie Inshaa'Allah he won't cheat on me inshaa'Allah because a lot of times he tells me about his staunch belief on husband and wife's relationship. We are not living together but he lives with his mom and dad and is with them after job every single hour. I believe he did a mistake but he was not innocent at all. Yes past is past. I should thank Allah and forgive my husband. It will take some time to forget but yeah i will inshaa'Allah eventually. |
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Spogmy |
Group: Members Joined: 26th Nov, 2012 Topic: 1 Post: 10 Age:
24
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| Posted on:4th Dec 2012, 7:12pm |
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wolfie Inshaa'Allah he won't cheat on me inshaa'Allah because a lot of times he tells me about his staunch belief on husband and wife's relationship. We are not living together but he lives with his mom and dad and is with them after job every single hour. I believe he did a mistake but he was not innocent at all. Yes past is past. I should thank Allah and forgive my husband. It will take some time to forget but yeah i will inshaa'Allah eventually. |
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