Is it necessary to make love to newly-wed wife on Suhaag Raat
Hi, I am back after a long break. I am getting married soon and personally, I believ that it is not necessary to actually make love (have sex) with newly-wed wife on suhaag raat. Rather, one should be more concerned about comforting her to the extent possible, makin her realize the affection, love, care, trust, confidence and importance the husband feels about her.
I am concerned about the point that notwithstading anything stated above, is it allowed in religion (Islam) not to make love at the first night. I have heard a couple of views from general public that if one doesn't make love at the first night, his valime is not halal, or in other words "valima us wakt tak halal nahi hota jab tak dakhool (entry of penis in vagina) na ho"
I appreciate answers from knowledgeable members with reference to religous text (Quran & Hadees).
its really good that you wanna make feel her that you love , understand her etc etc .... you want to understand eachother first and so on ..so that she will be relaxed and not nervous but if you talk to her ( intro , understand , comfort eachother for a while ) on the wedding night and make love after that is not a bad idea either because you can not know the person in 1 day , it will take days , weeks , months , love will increase slowly slowly ... but after having made love (sex) it will make it easier for you to know that person and for that person it will be easier to understand , know you . coz physical relations takes the relationship to the next level . and 2nd thing which i have heard is that having sex on wedding night is sunnah . but if she is scared and she asks you not to make love then dont do it . and i am dont thinks so thats true that your walima is not valid if you didnt had physical relation but i can be wrong .
its really good that you wanna make feel her that you love , understand her etc etc .... you want to understand eachother first and so on ..so that she will be relaxed and not nervous but if you talk to her ( intro , understand , comfort eachother for a while ) on the wedding night and make love after that is not a bad idea either because you can not know the person in 1 day , it will take days , weeks , months , love will increase slowly slowly ... but after having made love (sex) it will make it easier for you to know that person and for that person it will be easier to understand , know you . coz physical relations takes the relationship to the next level . and 2nd thing which i have heard is that having sex on wedding night is sunnah . but if she is scared and she asks you not to make love then dont do it . and i am dont thinks so thats true that your walima is not valid if you didnt had physical relation but i can be wrong .
Is it necessary to make love to newly-wed wife on Suhaag Raat
No, you are not required to have sex on your wedding night; many couples don't intercourse due to various reasons and one of them is women's monthly cycle in which intercouse is forbidden in Islam.
If everything is fine and you still don't intercourse then it is your personal preference and no one should question you abou it; we are all different and behave differently.
Group: Members Joined: 16th Mar, 2012 Topic: 5 Post: 538 Age:
30
Posted on:30th Apr 2012, 2:58am
malam01
Tell me something brother, should we encourage others to not have sex on the 1st night? I mean where is this generation of Pakistanis headed too?
In my opinion, the question is null and absurd. How can one ask such question and still feel that there wont be any reaction.
I agree that we all behave differently in various situations, but is it RIGHT for a 30yr old male to not have sex on first night, for reasons of understanding his bride?
I mean come on, over all its not making sense to me, please help me understand this.
Janab with respect, there is a common perception among men (all around the globe generally and is evident from persual of most of the posts in this forum) that "Chakk day phattay" sort of attitude is the one which makes a man "MAN". However, contrary to this, and specifically stating that I am straight and not a gay, I would like to put my opinion on the table that for all these years, i have been unmarried and never made it to any women. Then, logically what makes it so necessary that just by nikkah and ruksati, I have to prove my manhood (defined under common perception which is totally against mine) on the very first night, keeping in view that I have lived till that time, controlling it for piety. Moreover, this is not about being gay, but about creating understanding and a relation which would last forever. Eventually, rather it be the first night or the second or third or else, it is gonna happen, but why not people just give it a thought that even when you purchase a new car, knowing its full performance capability, you just drive it carefully for the first few thousand km. Likewise, wife is not some car, she is, for God's sake a living being, just like, being equal (in terms of rights and duties) in that particular relation, why don't you just accept her so, and just keep the making love part a little delayed to get attached. As in my case, its arranged totally, and there is no contact between me and my fiancee and I prefer when i meet her first time, i emphasize creating a romantic relation, trust, love, care, affection, confidence, earn her gratitude, acceptance and even herself through attitude, not by just exercising a social and religious right. I prefer letting it flow with the emotions, first develop love and affection which i percieve is not beyond a couple of days, as nikkah (mashallah) is a strong bond, and I do believe in strenght of this bond, it will ignite, and is also essential for someone to let her wife know that she is not only valuable to her man just because of the 'making love part' but because of many other reasons far deep, humane and sentimental than this. However, it is not necessary and everyone sees things as I do, difference of opinion is acknowledged.
Thank you ma'am for your kind words. Personally, I disagree with this common stance that physcal relation will create affection. It actually does, but other than wife, all relations in one's wife have affection, love, trust, care without any physical intercourse. So it is pretty much clear. Moreover, I am not saying that not making love at all, or avoiding it, as good Mr. Ali Rajput above mis-interpreted. I am just asking religious stand point on this issue. Moreover, as the articles of Kali Zuban (really nice) depict that on wedding night husband is really in the driving seat, doing things as he wants, if he can control a little bit, to make that poor young lady adjust, feel normal and at home, with a life partner totally new guy and let the feelings in every aspect grow in her heart too.
In addition, it is the couple's decision to make, and is not written as a ethical/social mandatory act. Just relax, getting emotionally attached first and then getting in some physical relation seems more romatic to me as compared to common way of action. I think I had replied the opinion of Alirajput given in last post.
being thirty years old doesn't make me crazy for getting laid, ali sb. Physical urge to make love ko us ki boundaries mein hi rehnay dain, sar par sawar na karain, at least, having a penis and a pair of testicles doesn't make anyone a "man", you have to earn manhood which as many aspects, especially control, compassion, giving room and is all about earning manhood.
Agree with you Sir, Thanks for advice. Just wanted to know the religious stance on this.
Moreover, Ali Sb, please don't interpret the last lines of my previous post to be pointing your kindself, but just about all men. Thank you. No personal offense is meant.
Group: Members Joined: 16th Mar, 2012 Topic: 5 Post: 538 Age:
30
Posted on:5th May 2012, 3:57pm
m.ahmed
Dear bro.......
Well said.
I liked what you said and your right, i understood it a bit different. But I would still like to suggest that please inform future wife (our bhabhi) that you have no plans to lay with her sexually on for a few nights in the beginning, calling it frustration or "just getting comfortable scheme" either way, knowledge of one's actions does not bring bad or unecessary fame, inshallah. and is proven to be much more useful in understanding because like you said she is partner for life. mashallah.
Aslam O Alikum to all my brother and sister in Islam.
First of all i want to congrats to my broher for his up coming married.
i don' have so much experience in shadi raat but i would like to share my point of view.
I think making love on first night of shadi ... it is very important to make love each other because its create natural strong relation(qarebia).... HOW?
well
=>on the first night you give such thing to your wife OR husband that he/she never get from any other one....which is called (sakon of soul) .
=>A night for which every man and women wait for (shadi raat). WHY?(because for making love) and you guys will just leave it .
=>there is natural connection on first night if you make love on that night you can spend you whole life on its momories.
alot of reason that we all specially MUSLIMS should make love on first night.
My dear brother .... i personally suggest you that you should make love on your first night.
And as i mention that i dont know so much ... so guyz forgive me if i hurt your feelings.
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Is it necessary to make love to newly-wed wife on Suhaag Raat