How To Developed Self-Esteem In Children Part-4?

......Continued from part 3

Bachoun main Self Esteem ki kammi ki bohat beri wajja galat andaaz main ki janay wali tanqeed aur daant dapat bhi hay.

Bachoun per taanqeed kerna:

    Bachay ki her waqat tareef nahi ki ja sakti kayounkay baaz aouqaat wo aisay kaam kerta hay jis kay liay bachay ko samjana parents ka ferz ban jata hay.  Aur iss kisam ki situation main sab say bather bhi yahi hota hay kay bajay kisi bahen bhai ya doosray rishtadaar kay Maan ya Baap main say koi hood apnay bachay ki galti ki durust tareeqay say nishan-dahi keray. 

Tanqeed kernay ka sahee tareeqa:

   Ji haan tanqeed kernay kay bhi do tareeqay hain.  Pahla tareeqa yah hay kay aap ilzaam ko bachay ki ZAAT per thoap dain aur USS kay kam ko bura kahnay ki bajay us ski ZAAT ko bura bhala kahnay lagain, yah tanqeed ka manfi aur galat andaaz hay jis ki wajja say bachay ki self esteem ahista ahista kam hona shuru ho jati hay.

   Doosra tareeqa yah hay kay aap bachay kay KAAM ker tanqeed kerain, takay wo yah samaj jay kay aap ussay piyar tu kertay hain, lakin uss kay iss kaam ko pasand nahi kertay.  Yah tanqeed ka masbat tareeqa hay aur iss kisam ki tanqeed derasal bachay ki skhsiayat main aitmaad ka izaafa hi kerti hay, kayounkay bacha apnay ander mojood khami ko pahchaan ker jab ussay durust ker laita hay tu uss kay ander sel confidence bhernay lagta hay.

     Lahaza yah to tay ho gaya kay bachay ki shkhsiaayt sanwaarnay kay liay tanqeed bhi aham kirdaar adda kerti hay.  Ab daikhtay hain kay kia tareeqay apna ker ham yah maqsad hasal ker saktay hain.

1-bachha bhi aik mukamal insaan hota hay:

     Iss liay jab uss per tanqeed kernay lagain tu iss baat ko zahen main rakhain kay uss kay bhi jazbaat hain aur wo bhi aik beray insaan ki tara suntan aur mahsoos kerta hay.  Iss liay ager daan dapat galat andaaz say ki gai tu yah bachay ki self esteem per galat aser dalay gi.

2-Apna gussa bachay per na nikalain:

       Aisa bohat dafa hota hay kay parents hood kisi baat per gussa main hotay hain, aur issi wajja say jab wo bachay ko zera sa bhi kaam herab kerta houa daikhtay hain tu ussay nazer-andaaz kernay ki bajay apna sara gussa uss per nikala shuru ker daitay hain.  Aur iss gussa ki halat main na sirf bachay ki patai bhi ki jati hay balkay uss per aisay ilzamaat bhi laga diay jatay hain jin ka mojooda soorat-e-haal say qatan koi taluq nahi hota. 

     Isspooray dramay main bachay ki asal galti kaheen beech main hi rah jati hay.  Lahaza jab bachay ko us ski aisi galti per sahee tareeqay say guide hi nahi kia gaya tu mustaqbil main wo yahi galti dobara dohrata hay, aur parents ko samaj nahi atta kay bawajood itna gussa kernay kay bacha phir wohi kaam kayoun kerta chala ja raha hay .  Jabkay bachay ko theek rahnumaai na milnay ki awajja say uss bachay ko andaza hi nahi ho paata kay wo apni galti ko kaisay durust keray, aur yah maar peet youn hi chalti rahti hay.

3-Rawayay per tanqeed kerain, bachhay per nahi:

   Hamaray yahan aik galti baar baar dohrai jati hay kay parents tanqeed kertay houay bachay kaam ya galti per tanqeed aur daant dapat kernay ki bajay uss ki shkhsiaat per tanqeed shuru ker daitay hain, j okay nihayat hi galat tareea hay aur bachay ki self esteem kam kernay main bohat aham kirdaar adda kerta hay. 

   Iss silsalay main aik baat ager parents seekh lain tu adhay say ziada masla yahi hal ho jay ga.  TUM, ya AAP ka lafz gussay main bachay kay liay bilkul istimaal kerna band ker dain.  Misal kay toar per bachay nay ager khana khatay houay table gandi ker di hay tu ussay yah nahi kahain kay……..TUM nay table kayoun gandi ki hay, beray badtamiz bachay ho tum, chalo uth ker safai kero……..balkay is ski bajay aisa kahin kay …..Maira dil chahta hay kay aap/tum iss table ko saaf kero kayounkay yah gandi acchi nahi lag rahi  hay……

    Donoun jumloun main aik hi baat kahi gai hay lakin iss ka aser bachhay per bohat mukhtalif ho ga.  Pahlay walay andaaz main bachay kay dil main gussa aur nafraat paida ho gi aur wo aap kay hilaaf dil main baagyaana jazba mahsoos keray ga, jab kay doosray main baccha apnay aap ko zimadar samajtay houay iss mislay ko hal kernay ki koshish keray ga. 

    Aisa iss liay hay kay jab ham bachay ki izaat nahi kertay aur ussay dernay per majboor kertay hain tu bachha phir sirf derta hi rahta hay aur parents ki izaat nahi kerta.  Lakin ager bachay ki izaat ka hayal rakha jay tu wo bhi parents ki dil say izzat kerta hay.

Note: Mazeed tafseel kay liay part 5 perhain.