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mylilly
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Group: Members Joined: 24th Apr, 2009 Topic: 3 Post: 12 Age:
32
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| Posted on:24th Apr 2009, 11:00pm |
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 Why My Husband Avoiding Semen Analysis?
Me and my husband are both 26 yr old and we are married for almost 10 months.
As I was not getting pregnant so 2 months back I consulted a gynecologist who did an ultra sound saying both my ovaries are healthy, in short she found the ultra sound results to be normal. At this point she asked me to get my husband checked.
My husband had a urinary/testicle infection a month before our marriage. He got fine in a week after receiving shots of genticin. For the past 4-5 months he at times does not get discharged while having intercourse. He complains of feeling tired and hence wants to avoid intercourse for longer period of time(more than a week).
When i told my gyne about this she recommended a husband semen analysis which has to be shown to a SKIN specialist and a Urologist as well. Upon telling this to my husband, he said that he had a semen test right before marriage, and the doctor said that the results were fine. I cannot find semen reports anywhere in his medical record.
The intimacy part in our marriage seems going downhill. He is otherwise very caring but does not let me get close to him with the intent of having intercourse as at times he complains that he is having pain in the kidneys(backache) and times in testes. I have taken appointments from Urologist as well but he says he is scared to visit one.
But some how i convinced him and took him to a well known "Urologist and infertility specialist" . He also recommended the same i.e semen test. The problem is that he is not getting convinced to get the test done. Week after week is passing and everytime he brings up a new excuse and postpone it to the next week.
Please suggest what could be the problem? Any help in this regard will be looked upon with lots of thanks and appreciation |
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dom_man
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Group: Members Joined: 13th Mar, 2009 Topic: 79 Post: 1424 Age:
36
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| Posted on:24th Apr 2009, 1:30pm |
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mylilly well..it is more of a psychological problem.i think ur hubby is afraid of being diagnosed any serious illness. Only u can solve ur problem by communicating with him. Be bit more open with him.and try to get him read books on this site.
tell him u have visited this pakistani site which deals with such issues and i have found such and such material there which suggests that ur problem is not a serious one.
only good way communication solve ur problem. |
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mylilly
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Group: Members Joined: 24th Apr, 2009 Topic: 3 Post: 12 Age:
32
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| Posted on:24th Apr 2009, 2:01pm |
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Dear all
I have tried times and again to convince him, but when the time comes to go for the test he backs off. At many instances he has told me that he is scared that if he is diagnosed with a low sperm count etc. I'll leave him.
We both are very well educated people and even known each other for yrs before we got married. It is a crazy thought that I would leave him for this reason. I am well aware that everything has a cure or at least one should try to get a treatment.
But his responses are ... "you don know".."its boys stuff".."i cant go this week"
May be in short my question on this forum is that:
1. How to convince him for a semen analysis?
2. Why the reports of his semen analysis (done before marriage for some infection)are missing from his medical record...
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dom_man
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Group: Members Joined: 13th Mar, 2009 Topic: 79 Post: 1424 Age:
36
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| Posted on:24th Apr 2009, 2:33pm |
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come on doctors come on guys help her out.It seems to me one of the most genuine problems ever posted on this forum.
sister...i wish u good luck.I think an expert could help u out better.
May Allah solve your problem.Keep praying. |
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mylilly
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Group: Members Joined: 24th Apr, 2009 Topic: 3 Post: 12 Age:
32
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| Posted on:24th Apr 2009, 2:53pm |
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dom Thanks for the replies and understanding the gravity of this issue.
I have not given up yet ..I am still trying with love and care to agree
him over this point and have candidly told him many times that whatever
the result and doctor's opinion turns out to be, i am there with him.
But whats killing me is the 'unknown' ...why aint he getting the test done.
Right now I want to get him treated, as I have faith in Allah that if we try He will surely help.
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dom_man
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Group: Members Joined: 13th Mar, 2009 Topic: 79 Post: 1424 Age:
36
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| Posted on:24th Apr 2009, 3:40pm |
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typical male "fear" mylilly, actually in our society its a great taboo for a male to be diagnosed "impotance" or infertile.actually people dont know the difference b/w male impotance and infertility. Importance means that man is unable to get erection during intercourse hence cant performe sex but infertile male can be sexually normal and performe sex even better than some fertile men.
Its like female infertility, infertile women do enjoy sex and get orgasm as well. its just a taboo in our society because of ignorance. I think u should tell him that its not a big deal.sexually u r normal and i enjoy sex with u. and even if ur semen count is low it can be cured and things like that.
Be patient...and for the moment dont bring up this topic to him for a few days.just concentrate on ur relationship and try to have sex with him.like try to seduce him with different methods. I think he is Ok and just afraid of being daignosed as infertile.
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confused1
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Group: Members Joined: 24th Jan, 2009 Topic: 3 Post: 13 Age:
32
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| Posted on:24th Apr 2009, 3:47pm |
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mylilly you should tell him that a proper diagnosis and treatment is the only way through which he can get normal.tell him that this is the only thing he can do to have kids.his sperm may be temporarily infertile but delaying treatment might result in permanent infertility.secondly its your job assure him that you love him and you're not going to leave him at any cost and you have to think upon it yourself.
best of luck
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Kali Zuban
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Group: Members Joined: 19th Sep, 2010 Topic: 30 Post: 1791 Age:
30
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| Posted on:24th Apr 2009, 4:05pm |
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re: husband avoiding intercourse 1. Me and my husband are both 26 yr old and we are married for almost 10 months.
As I was not getting pregnant so 2 months back I consulted a gynecologist who did an ultra sound
saying both my ovaries are healthy, in short she found the ultra
sound results to be normal. At this point she asked me to get my
husband checked.
Ans: shaadi ke 2 years tak baby
na ho tu medical check up karani chahiye, abhi tu sirf 10 months huye
hai pareshaan hone ki zaroorat nahi.
2. My husband had a urinary/testicle infection a month before our
marriage. He got fine in a week after receiving shots of genticin. For
the past 4-5 months he at times does not get discharged while having
intercourse. He complains of feeling tired and hence wants to avoid
intercourse for longer period of time(more than a week).
Ans: baaz log der se discharge
hote hai, agar der tak mubashrat ki jaaye tu exhaust/tired hona lazmi
si baat hai. husband ko kahe keh aahista aahista beghair physical
exersion ke mubashrat kare iss tarah woh tired nahi ho ge. mubashrat mai aap khood bhi active part play kare, iss tarah husband ke discharge hone mai aasaani ho jaati hai
3. When i told my gyne about this she recommended a husband semen
analysis which has to be shown to a SKIN specialist and a Urologist as
well.
Ans: yeh baat samajh nahi aayee keh Gyne doctor kio semen test karana chahti hai, mere khial se semen test ki zaroorat nahi hai. aur yeh baat bhi samajh nahi aa rahi hai keh semen test Skin specialist aur urologist ko kio dekhane ka mashwara de rahi hai.
4. Upon telling this to my husband, he said that he had a semen test
right before marriage, and the doctor said that the results were fine.
I cannot find semen reports anywhere in his medical record.
Ans: Shaadi se qabal Semen test
karane ki zaroorat nahi hoti, lekin kuch log jinhai waham hota hai keh
woh medically shaadi ke liye fit nahi hai woh apna semen test karate
hai, Semen test koi aisa test nahi hai jis ki numaish ki jaaye, iss
liye sharm o jhajhak ki wajah se aksar nojawan semen test karane ke
baad report read ker ke tear (phar) dete hai, ose sanbhal ker nahi
rakhte, iss dar se keh kisi ki nazar na per jaaye. lehaza agar os me
medical record mai semen test ki report nahi hai tu fikir aur
pareshaani ki baat nahi.
5. The intimacy part in our marriage seems going downhill. He is
otherwise very caring but does not let me get close to him with the
intent of having intercourse as at times he complains that he is having
pain in the kidneys(backache) and times in testes. I have taken
appointments from Urologist as well but he says he is scared to visit
one.
Ans: mera khial hai keh aap ke
husband ko waham ki bimari hai, isi liye os ne shaadi se qabal semen
test karaya tha, warna koi bhi normal shakhs shaadi se qabal semen test
nahi karata hai. ab shaadi ke baad ose koi bhi thakawat ho ya halka sa
bache ache ya testis pain ho tu woh samajhta hai keh yeh sab kuch sex
ki wajah se hai. iss qisim ki feeling generally os qisim ke logo mai
hoti hai jo ke shaadi se qabal masturbation kerte hai, aur jaali
hakeemo ke ishtehar read ker ke samajhte hai keh woh jinsi tor se tabah
ho gaye hai.
aap ko mashwarah hai keh aap apne husban ko ehsaas dilaye keh woh
bilkul normal hai, aur bharpoor jinisi salahiat ke maalik hai, aap
jetna on ke saamne shikayat kare ge, otna hi woh apne aap ko jinsi tor
se kamzor feel kare ge.
6. But some how i convinced him and took him to a well known
"Urologist and infertility specialist" . He also recommended the same
i.e semen test.
Ans: aap bila wajah apne shohar
per pressure daal rahi hai, shaadi ke 10 month mai pregnancy nahi hona
aik normal baat hai, aap bila wajah Urologist ya Infertility specialist
se visit kara rahi hai, dono specialist ke paas jaane ki bilkul bhi
zaroorat nahi hai. mera khial hai keh jab aap ke shohar ko yeh maloom
ho gia keh aap ka ultrasound test normal hai tu phir yaqeenat os ka
semen tes abnormal hoga, aap jis tarah se apne shohar per undue
pressure daal rahi hai os mai shohar ka iss qisim ke waham mai mubtala
hona yaqeeni hai.
aap ko mashwara hai keh 2 years tak aap pregnancy ke chakkar mai kisi
qisim ka test na karai, apne husband ki hosla afzai kare, na keh
mukhtalif specialist se visit kara kara ker ose nervous kare.
aisa lagta hai keh aap ki nazar mai shohar ki koi haisiat hi nahi, kio
keh aap abhi tak pregnant nahi huyee hai. agar aurat pregnant na ho tu
bhi shohar ko bharpoor ahmiat deni chahiye. pregnancy allah ki marzi se
hoti hai, aksar aisa bhi hota hai keh husband aur wife dono ke test
bilkul normal hote hai aur pregnancy nahi hoti.
aap ko mashwarah hai keh aap apne shohar per undue pressure na daale,
warna woh Premature ejaculation ya Erectile dysfunction ka mareez ho
jaaye ga. mera zaari khial hai keh abhi woh retarded ejaculation (der
se discharge hona) ka mareez hai aur iss ki bhi aap zimma daar hai. aap
mubashrat se enjoy kerne ki bajaye ose Pregnancy se relate kerti hai.
jis ki wajah se husband ke andar se confidence nikalta jaa raha hai.
7. The problem is that he is not getting convinced to get
the test done. Week after week is passing and everytime he brings up a
new excuse and postpone it to the next week.
Ans: mera khial hai keh aap ne
os per test ke hawale se jetna pressure daala hua hai os se ose yaqeen
hai keh os ka test normal nahi hoga. aur isi dar se woh semen tes nahi
kara raha hai. gynecologist ya urologist agar aap ose Fee de ge tu
zahir hai keh onho ne jawab mai kuch na kuch suggest kerna hi hai, aur
onho ne Semen Test suggest ker dia agar woh yeh suggest nahi kerte tu
aap ki tassali nahi hoti. Semen test husband ke liye suggest nahi kia
gia hai balkeh aap ki tasalli ke liye kia gia hai. warna shaadi se
qabal 2 years tak semen Test suggest kerne ka koi jawaz nahi.
8. Please suggest what could be the problem? Any help in this regard will be
looked upon with lots of thanks and appreciation
Ans: aap ko sirf aur sirf yahi
suggestion hai keh khudara apne husband per raham kare, agar aap ko
baby ki zaroorat hai tu Allah se dua kare na keh husband per undue
pressure daale.
mubaashrat aur foreplay enjoyment ke liye kare, husband ki hosla afzai
kare, woh jo bhi aur jetna bhi kare os per os ka thanks ada kare, ose
ehsaas dilaye keh husband hi aap ka sab kuch hai, baby ki khahish
zaroor hai lekin husband per baby ki khahish bhi qurbaan ki jaa sakti
hai.
aap ke post read kerne ke baad yahi andaza hota hai keh asal ilaj
(psychotherapy) ki zaroorat aap ko hai, aap ke husband ko nahi.
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dom_man
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Group: Members Joined: 13th Mar, 2009 Topic: 79 Post: 1424 Age:
36
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| Posted on:24th Apr 2009, 4:21pm |
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mulilly kali zuban is always right plz take her words seriously.she is the most knowledgable person on this forum after me. |
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mylilly
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Group: Members Joined: 24th Apr, 2009 Topic: 3 Post: 12 Age:
32
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| Posted on:24th Apr 2009, 6:02pm |
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do u really think diagnosis is undue pressure... The short answer is that he is complaining of pain after intercourse. I do not insist him to have intercourse so im leaving it on his will. And he is really caring so intercourse is not the issue, its the PAIN he is having thats the issue!
He loves kids more than i do. I have told him if there is some problem in him i will tell the world the problem is with me.
And my going to a lady doc is the issue in this THREAD.
I told her about my husband complaining of pain and weakness and about the infection thats why she asked to visit a urologist. And skin specialist with fear of an STD, but i trust my hubby so i found no need for that.
Doctors did his semen test before marriage cuz of infection and i recently got to know of it. So this pain again cud point to some problem.
Its not undue pressure....
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H/dr_Qasim
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Group: Members Joined: 10th Sep, 2010 Topic: 185 Post: 6553 Age:
37
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| Posted on:24th Apr 2009, 6:06pm |
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agree with kali zuban jitna tufseel sy kli ji ny juwab deya hy shayd he koi or dy pay wo thek kehti hen infertality 2 sal tuk olad na ho tu mani jati hy abi tu 10 months hoy hen or on k husband underpressur hen or agur esi tura puryshaan ry tu en ki azduwaji zindgi ko khutraat lahak ho sukty hen es ley ek dosy sy peyar kurin or jesy kali ny instruction and muswara deya hy os py amal kurin .
dont worry ap panch wakat ki numaz purin or aapus meh peyar o mohabat k rishty ko kayem kurin or sex ko puryshani meh ni love k sath easy ho k enjoy kurin olad ke doha sy shoro kurin
wish you good luck |
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Dr R
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Group: Experts Joined: 01st Apr, 2009 Topic: 0 Post: 128 Age:
39
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| Posted on:24th Apr 2009, 7:41pm |
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 Why My Husband Avoiding Semen Analysis?
I agree with KaliZuban to a certain extent, but let me tell you a few things:
Fact: Your husband has pain after intercourse
Answer: Ask him to get it checked and taken care of, there are numerous diseases that can occur in the testes which may lead to a lot more complications than you can imagine.
Fact: You are asking him to get a semen analysis
Answer: Im sorry but in this society all a male has is his ego and virility, he is duly afraid to sacrifice it, what you can do is to drop the issue of this analysis and try to get him checked for testicular anomalies, that way the doctor can convince him and not you for what ever tests you want.
Fact: its been 10 months
AQnswer: 2 years minimum is the period with regular intercourse at the end of which you should think of going to a doctor for infertility or some problem, sister have you forgotten its not making babies here that is the problem its the enjoyment part also
Fact: You cannot find his old semen analysis records
Answer: when we court before marriage NO ONE tells each other of the shortfalls only the green bits of grass are explained and exchanged, so relax, draw your husband out in the intimacy that you share and then ask him for the reports, i told you egos are there, present, and whatever you do CANNOT change yourself or change your spouse in 10 months
Fact: You are driving too fast even if he wants kids more than you
Answer: Dont make him jump off, clearly, make him relax around you, share, and then approach it from another side, remember the aim is to get there not die trying........
Oh yes by the way sometimes even internationaly reputable hospitals botch up semen analysis reports so relax. draw him out and tell him you care for him to increase the level of comfort and subsequently his health.
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System
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Group: Members Joined: 03rd Jun, 2008 Topic: 40 Post: 2285 Age:
34
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| Posted on:24th Apr 2009, 7:51pm |
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 mylily
make your husband beleive with tears in your eyes that you love him so much so dont go for semen test but please go to doctor for testical pain ... that all i care ... only your love will make him go to doctor not the fact ...
agreed to kalizuban and dr qasim |
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mna1978
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Group: Members Joined: 27th Jan, 2009 Topic: 15 Post: 383 Age:
37
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| Posted on:25th Apr 2009, 11:16pm |
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Same thing happened to me.... Dear Sister!!!
You have received very good replies... but i want to add my story... From a husband's point of view...
Same thing happened to me when i was advised for the test...
Test of this kind involves a lot of fears!!!
Fear... That you may not be able to father a child...
Fear... Of the embaressment that comes with such kind of tests
And the Biggest fear that i had..
Fear... Your Wife may leave you if the test is not good...
I loved my wife and i had developed a very good understanding with her and i loved her so much... the biggest fear was that if the test is not normal then she may leave me...
As far as intercourse is concern if you consider that how much tense he may be then according to my thinking intercourse is out of question... So my advice is that please relax him
..Remind him the importance of kids.
..Remind him the how much he loves kids.
..Remind him how much you want kids.
..Remind him how much you love him.
..Remind him that if you do not get treatment... any small issue could become Untreatable
And most important
..Remind him that no matter what happens you will be always be with him(Unless you think other wise)
This may be the most difficult phase of his life.. only you sister... you... can take him out of it.. just like my wife did for me...
INSHALLAH Every think will be fine... |
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mylilly
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Group: Members Joined: 24th Apr, 2009 Topic: 3 Post: 12 Age:
32
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| Posted on:25th Apr 2009, 6:55pm |
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thanks. Those who are thinking that im irreasonable , then i think i clearly mentioned that its the PAIN he is having that's making me curious. Pakistan's well known urologist asked for the tests + ultrasounds and blood tests as well. (no test done yet)
Thanks all for ur replies. I'll consider your suggestions inshaAllah :).
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m.iftikhar
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Group: Members Joined: 18th Feb, 2009 Topic: 2 Post: 70 Age:
25
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| Posted on:25th Apr 2009, 7:17pm |
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iftikhar jab aap pragnent o to yaha mithai zarur bhij wana ................ |
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Kali Zuban
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Group: Members Joined: 19th Sep, 2010 Topic: 30 Post: 1791 Age:
30
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| Posted on:25th Apr 2009, 8:05pm |
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re: takleef ka ilaj karana chahiye
re: "i think i clearly mentioned that its the PAIN he is having that's making me curious"
thori bahut pain ko nazar andaz ker de, yeh koi bahut bara masla nahi hai. lekin agar pain ziadah hai tu phir family physician se consult kare, aur family physician ki hidayat per amal kare; matlab yeh keh agar woh koi test wagaira karate hai tu phir test kara bhi le.
ham logo ke kahne ka sirf yeh maqsad hai keh 10 month tak pregnancy na ho tu semen test karane ki zaroorat nahi. lekin iss ka yeh matlab bhi nahi keh kisi aur takleef ka ilaj bhi na karaya jaaye. aap ke shohar ko koi aisi takleef jo keh bardasht nahi ho rahi ho tu os ka ilaj karana chahiye.
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